My New Best Friend (or Oh My F'ing God That Was Awesome!!!)

So anyway, I'll keep this short and sweet...

If you know me well enough, you know how enamored I am with Star Wars, particularly The Empire Strikes Back. So, you know I don't say this easily when I say that it's now my second favorite movie ever.

I shall say no more.

"why so SERIOUS?!"

The King is Dead. All Hail the King!

SHIT, PISS, FUCK, CUNT, COCKSUCKER, MOTHERFUCKER...

...and tits.

In case you haven't heard yet, the mighty George Carlin passed away on Sunday. I think I actually almost started crying when I heard. This just ruins my whole fucking day...not that it was anything to get excited over anyway!

If you've never heard his Class Clown or Classic Gold albums, I command you to make haste to find them and absorb them immediately - they're pretty much the gold standard against which all stand-up comedy should be judged.

And now...a personal favorite snippet...

"I got fired last year from doing a show in Vegas, for sayin' the word SHIT. In a town where the big game is called CRAP! That's some kind of double standard, you know?!!!! You know they got big ol' Texan's out on the game floor yelling, 'Ahh shit! I CRAPPED!!!'. Hell, they fly those guys in for free. The fired me...shit! ...Shit's such a figurative word. You never hear shit used literally, you know like, 'Look at that shit Martha, WOWWWWW!!!' ".

I think I'm going to go outside and tell a random stranger to go fuck themselves.

Peace out, G

They Always Come in 3's

So anyway, am I the only one that didn't know that Alexader Courage fucking died on May 15th? I mean fuck all, it was two weeks ago and I just heard this morning! That's really kind of a bummer, the list of the old guys in the industry is really starting to shrink. Who does that leave? - Johnny, Ennio Morricone, John Barry...who am I forgetting, I'm sure there's someone. Oh well, someone will remind me in a comment I'm sure. I was going to say that first there was Dick Martin, then Sydney Pollack...but that doesn't work; Sandy beat em' both and I didn't even frackin' know about it! (that sounds a lot more heartless than I intended).

I really hope my blog doesn't turn into an obscure obit column again for a few weeks like it did last year - that's just depressing...

Anyway, that's all I've got for this round.

"JESUS CHRIST THOSE THINGS ARE REAL?!?!"

So anyway, my penchant for all things hot, neked and gyrating is relatively well documented by now. So having said that, that should be all you need as setup for what's to follow. As a public service, I present this:

http://www.aintitcool.com/node/36724

Seems a certain lovely lass from a certain kick-ass flick about giant-fucking-alien-robot-carnage from summer last is filming a new one...and above, should one feel so inclined, can be found the first "spy-photos" from the shoot. Fair warning, this is not what you'd call, oh I dunno, work or public friendly...so look with caution. Nice to see she's been laying-off the bronzer though!

So, if everyone will excuse me, I'm gonna go hammer out a couple of knuckle children now. Anybody got a towel...and a cigarette?!

you're welcome...

Shamelessly Sentimental Thought for the Day

Oh and today was also Mike Kamen's birthday; he would have been 60. I know he wasn't everybody's cup of tea (as far as film composers go anyway), but I still miss his work.

Now...back to Emma Watson (kidding! kidding!).

Shamelessly Perverted Thought for the Day

So anyway... just wanted to throw this out there for any other fellow perverts that may be interested. Today is Emma Watson's birthday, or to put it another way...Emma Watson is legal today. I feel a little less dirty now (but just a little).

Thank you, Lord...


that is all.

I am so going to hell...

Define Irony

So anyway, a little setup if you'll indulge me...

The family and I went to the Isle of Capri for lunch this afternoon, not knowing that they have a down time between 3:00 and 4:00. So whilst I'm reading a sign explaining their hours, a woman at a table behind me instigates the following conversation (this is verbatim, at least I'm relatively certain - and I'll try to avoid any racial undertones as much as humanly possible):


Woman: "Young man, come here a second"

Me: (with a finger signaling I need a moment - I'm reading after all) "Just a minute"

Me: (A few seconds later) "Yes, what can I do for you?"

Woman: "What's Jefferson City?"

Me: A city!!!

Woman: "It is?!?!"

Me: "Yes..."

Woman: "Where?"

Me: "In...Missouri - It's the state capital."

Woman: "Where?"

Me: "In Missouri!"

Woman: "But where in Missouri?"

Me: "Just about right smack in the middle."

Woman: "And it's a city?"

Me: "Oh yeah..."

Woman: "It is?!?!"

Me: "Yes mam."

Woman: "So what's Cole?"

Me: "I'm sorry?"

Woman: "What's Cole? Is it a county?"

Me: "I believe so...do you have a map (she has a county map on the back of the piece of paper she's holding)?"

I flip the paper over - then show her Cole county in central Missouri

Me: "Here it is."

Woman: "Where?"

Me: "Right here!"

Woman: "So what's Jefferson City?"

Me: "A city!!! In Cole County Missouri?"

Woman: "So it's a real city?"

Me: "Yes...it's the state capital!"

Woman: "It is?!?!"

Me: "yep!" - at this point you can probably imagine the look of complete and total disbelief on my face - and if not, just imagine how you'd look if someone has just completely flabbergasted you!

Woman: "And it's in Cole?"

Me: (slightly annoyed at this point) "yes."

Woman: "Oh, ok...! - Are you a registered voter in Missouri?"

Me: "Yes."

Woman: "Well sign over there - what county are you in?"

Me: "Jackson"

Woman: "Which Jackson?"

Me: "The one in Missouri."

Woman: "But which one...Kansas City or the other?"

Me: "I live in Raytown - in Jackson County, Missouri."

Woman: "Oh...well sign over there on Jackson."


She's sitting at a table, taking signatures for a petition for a bill proposal for...wait for it...

INCREASED FUNDING FROM THE CASINOS FOR STATE EDUCATION!!!!!

GAHHH!!!!!

Somewhere in this country, Lewis Black's head just exploded.

some people should not be allowed to breed...that's all I'm saying!

Vindication (sort of...)

So anyway, I got an awesome phone call this afternoon whilst purchasing my tickets for 10,000B.C. (don't knock it - it's actually quite entertaining...if you leave your brain on a shelf). Anyway, my guy Rich calls and says the "indie-gothic-indian-thriller-western" producers liked my demo CD and are going to give me a clip to score.

"And?...What's that mean Mike?", you're asking. Well, it means if I can come up with something they like for whatever the hell it is they're sending me, then I'll get to...(wait for it)......SCORE MY FIRST FEATURE-LENGTH FILM (for the full effect, imagine two blonde, SO-CAL Valley Girls getting excited over a new pair of shoes)!!!

yea!

Keep in mind, this is a period movie...with indians...that they've temp-tracked with The Others and Phil Glass' Dracula. Frankly, I'm dumbfounded. Anyway, just thought I'd share. By the way, Brad...when I do get whatever it is I'm getting, you wanna come over and help me spot it? Seriously, I want an extra set of eyes on this thing to make goddamned sure I get it just right...fucking this up might just push me over that narrow edge my sanity's teetering on.

I'm just praying to God and dear, sweet Bebe Jezuth that they left the temp score off the clip!

Meet N' Greet

So anyway, I met with the movie producer guy yesterday over a plate of honey shrimp and fried rice. It really was more of a meet and greet than anything. But, having said that, I think I made a fair enough impression that they will probably shoot me over a 5 or 10 minute Quicktime clip to try my hand at scoring - at some point.

Seems, that even though prinicple photography on this little indie darling wrapped early September last, they're just now getting the finishing touches on their...wait for it...rough cut. Wait, what the fuck? Five months for a rough cut? Oh, yeah...I said it! Five...months...

Five, Cinco, Cinq, Fünf, more than four, but less than six. Got to hand it to Midwestern film production values. Oh well, I shouldn't gripe, I'm not the one shelling out the cash to get this thing done. In fact, if it gets me the chance to score a feature length film...even if it is crap (I'm reserving judgement until I've seen some footage...really!), then I'll pucker up just ever so slightly. I can go to confession afterwards if I really feel like my soul needs cleansed.

So, the rough cut is clocking in at about two hours. Guesstimating by the manner that he delivered this tidbit of information, I'd say that that's about twenty minutes longer than they really want. At they're current rate, they should have a locked edit sometime around December...2010. These guys cut film like I blog post! But what the hell, they seemed like nice, decent enough fellas. Oh, yeah, did I mention the editor was there too?

So the flick is set sometime around 1900. I'll spare the history lesson, but needless to say the white man's "civilizing" of Native Americans is well documented. Boarding schools were set up so that whites could "help" young Indians learn to be good, Christian, God-fearing, useful members of society. More often then not, the young savages would escape their cells, er, dormatories and try to return to their own culture. This story revolves around one particular young man who escapes, only to be hunted down by an Indian tracker (Wes Studi). Whilst trying to return to the "school", a crime is committed (I'm guessing the murder of a white man - they never really said), and the pair end up on the run, being tracked by a more efficient, and ruthless Indian bounty hunter. That's pretty much all I got. They've temp-tracked their rough cut with bits from The Others, and Philip Glass' Dracula. Apparently, there's a voice-over narration throughout the picture of readings from the actual Dracula novel - how this fits into a period Indian/Western drama I haven't the fuckinest clue!

Funny part is, my guy Rich's recollections from the shoot don't lend themselves even in the slightest to the direction the filmmakers are currently taking with this. His comparison was that your average episode of Law & Order was darker in tone than what these folks were shooting. He shared a little anecdote about how one day he asked the DP to have a look through the camera at the shot he was setting up and remarked to him that with the angle, lighting, and zoom level currently being employed, they might as well be shooting a monkey fucking a football. Later towards the end of the shoot, he went to a Target, bought a Curious George doll and a football, mounted the two together, and left it in the production office for the DP as a...gift. But, what the hell, if they'll let me do this, I'll give them exactly what they want - no matter how ludicrous it sounds. So...that's where things stand at the moment. I'll keep all three of you (hehe) up to date as things do or don't happen.

Cross...

...as in your fingers, your toes, your legs, your eyes, your nuts...basically whatever the fuck is humanly possible to cross over for luck.

So anyway, at some point last year, I believe I alluded to having an opportunity to score an "independent" western of sorts. Don't ask me which post it was...I'm so sporadic at posting even I don't remember which one it was (and I'm too lazy to go back and check). Well, today at noon-ish, I'm meeting with the exec-producer of said western to try and convince him that I'm his man - there's something quasi-ironic about meeting a producer of a western at high-noon, hehe! I really don't know anything about the flick - aside that's it's on par with made-for-TV quality and it apparently has Wes Studi in it (Magua from Last of the Mohicans). Beggars can't be choosers - and at this point I'll take anything...I don't care if it was made for Skinemax!

Given the sound quality of what little of my work has been recorded, I'm almost afraid to hand out demo CD's. But what the hell, it's all I've got - it's not like I'm not proud of most of what I've composed, it's just that most of my recordings (be they live or MIDI) sound like ass. Hopefully he'll ignore the low production values and realize that, a: I've got the compositional chops to give him what he wants, and, b: he can't get a better composer for his money - what very, very, very little of it I would ask for (a strong selling point, in my opinion).

Who knows, maybe he'll really like me and be willing to fork out the dough for a 15-30 piece ensemble. And while I'm on this crazy train of optimism maybe I'll wake-up tomorrow with a 12-inch cock and finally get to start that career in hardcore porn I've always been dreaming of (Ron Jeremy can't be the fat guy with a giant schlong forever right?). At this point, I'll just settle for him liking me enough to give me a shot. My guy Rich who's been pulling me along through all of this did mention that the guy might show up with a short Quicktime clip just to test me out with...so that's got potential I figure.

At any rate, that's it for the moment. I figured I'd go ahead and share this what with the blatant hostility of the last post burning a hole in what's left of my soul...I could use a little positive thinking at this point. So, to my faithful following - all 3 or 4 of your or whatever I'm down to at this point - wish me well. Or at the very least hope that I don't come across as some blithering idiot - miracles can happen.