So anyway, a little setup if you'll indulge me...
The family and I went to the Isle of Capri for lunch this afternoon, not knowing that they have a down time between 3:00 and 4:00. So whilst I'm reading a sign explaining their hours, a woman at a table behind me instigates the following conversation (this is verbatim, at least I'm relatively certain - and I'll try to avoid any racial undertones as much as humanly possible):
Woman: "Young man, come here a second"
Me: (with a finger signaling I need a moment - I'm reading after all) "Just a minute"
Me: (A few seconds later) "Yes, what can I do for you?"
Woman: "What's Jefferson City?"
Me: A city!!!
Woman: "It is?!?!"
Me: "Yes..."
Woman: "Where?"
Me: "In...Missouri - It's the state capital."
Woman: "Where?"
Me: "In Missouri!"
Woman: "But where in Missouri?"
Me: "Just about right smack in the middle."
Woman: "And it's a city?"
Me: "Oh yeah..."
Woman: "It is?!?!"
Me: "Yes mam."
Woman: "So what's Cole?"
Me: "I'm sorry?"
Woman: "What's Cole? Is it a county?"
Me: "I believe so...do you have a map (she has a county map on the back of the piece of paper she's holding)?"
I flip the paper over - then show her Cole county in central Missouri
Me: "Here it is."
Woman: "Where?"
Me: "Right here!"
Woman: "So what's Jefferson City?"
Me: "A city!!! In Cole County Missouri?"
Woman: "So it's a real city?"
Me: "Yes...it's the state capital!"
Woman: "It is?!?!"
Me: "yep!" - at this point you can probably imagine the look of complete and total disbelief on my face - and if not, just imagine how you'd look if someone has just completely flabbergasted you!
Woman: "And it's in Cole?"
Me: (slightly annoyed at this point) "yes."
Woman: "Oh, ok...! - Are you a registered voter in Missouri?"
Me: "Yes."
Woman: "Well sign over there - what county are you in?"
Me: "Jackson"
Woman: "Which Jackson?"
Me: "The one in Missouri."
Woman: "But which one...Kansas City or the other?"
Me: "I live in Raytown - in Jackson County, Missouri."
Woman: "Oh...well sign over there on Jackson."
She's sitting at a table, taking signatures for a petition for a bill proposal for...wait for it...
INCREASED FUNDING FROM THE CASINOS FOR STATE EDUCATION!!!!!
GAHHH!!!!!
The family and I went to the Isle of Capri for lunch this afternoon, not knowing that they have a down time between 3:00 and 4:00. So whilst I'm reading a sign explaining their hours, a woman at a table behind me instigates the following conversation (this is verbatim, at least I'm relatively certain - and I'll try to avoid any racial undertones as much as humanly possible):
Woman: "Young man, come here a second"
Me: (with a finger signaling I need a moment - I'm reading after all) "Just a minute"
Me: (A few seconds later) "Yes, what can I do for you?"
Woman: "What's Jefferson City?"
Me: A city!!!
Woman: "It is?!?!"
Me: "Yes..."
Woman: "Where?"
Me: "In...Missouri - It's the state capital."
Woman: "Where?"
Me: "In Missouri!"
Woman: "But where in Missouri?"
Me: "Just about right smack in the middle."
Woman: "And it's a city?"
Me: "Oh yeah..."
Woman: "It is?!?!"
Me: "Yes mam."
Woman: "So what's Cole?"
Me: "I'm sorry?"
Woman: "What's Cole? Is it a county?"
Me: "I believe so...do you have a map (she has a county map on the back of the piece of paper she's holding)?"
I flip the paper over - then show her Cole county in central Missouri
Me: "Here it is."
Woman: "Where?"
Me: "Right here!"
Woman: "So what's Jefferson City?"
Me: "A city!!! In Cole County Missouri?"
Woman: "So it's a real city?"
Me: "Yes...it's the state capital!"
Woman: "It is?!?!"
Me: "yep!" - at this point you can probably imagine the look of complete and total disbelief on my face - and if not, just imagine how you'd look if someone has just completely flabbergasted you!
Woman: "And it's in Cole?"
Me: (slightly annoyed at this point) "yes."
Woman: "Oh, ok...! - Are you a registered voter in Missouri?"
Me: "Yes."
Woman: "Well sign over there - what county are you in?"
Me: "Jackson"
Woman: "Which Jackson?"
Me: "The one in Missouri."
Woman: "But which one...Kansas City or the other?"
Me: "I live in Raytown - in Jackson County, Missouri."
Woman: "Oh...well sign over there on Jackson."
She's sitting at a table, taking signatures for a petition for a bill proposal for...wait for it...
INCREASED FUNDING FROM THE CASINOS FOR STATE EDUCATION!!!!!
GAHHH!!!!!
Somewhere in this country, Lewis Black's head just exploded.
some people should not be allowed to breed...that's all I'm saying!
7 comments:
Hey! I just realized this is my 90th post. That means I'm only about a year and half or so behind everyone else!
yippee-skipee
Define irony: a bunch of idiots dancing on a plane to a song that was written by a band that died in a plane crash.
Dean and I were walking around Westport and were stopped by some lady who wanted us to register to vote. I said I thought I might actually be registered in Ohio and that I should probably make sure soon. Dean, a KC lifer, found it easier to pretend that he, too, went to Bowling Green and was registered there. The lady said she's actually from out of town and that she didn't know anything about how to change my voter registration. She told me to go find out from some place, I can't remember, and I had two thoughts:
1) "Thanks for the advice, but I wasn't asking how to register in Missouri. You're not doing me a favor, and I don't owe you shit."
2) "So you are from out of town. How does that affect your ignorance of the state? What are you even doing here? Did you lose a bet or something?"
And a very British voice entered my mind (perhaps it was the Holy Spirit?) and said, "Well what good are YOU then!" and walked away. Yes, the voice walked away. And I followed.
Are you sure that British voice wasn't Stewie Griffin? That sounds like something he'd say.
I think you totally missed an opportunity here. I would've affected my best "Bilbo Baggins I am not trying to rob you!" Ian McKellan accent and uttered the following:
"I live in Liberty, county of Clay, state of Missouri, these United States of America, planet Earth, the Milky Way Galaxy, the universe."
Then maybe her head would've exploded.
Or I simply would've said "Denial" when she asked what state I lived in just to derive pleasure from watching her search frantically for it on the map.
Denial is de river, mon, not de state.
You should have just grabbed her by the shoulders and spouted a Trelawney-esque prophecy of her own doom.
Where the eff are you? You don't call; you don't write. This is about the "incident" at Mos Eisley, isn't it?
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