Conceding Defeat

It's been a long, hard road. Even through the worst of it it looked as though we still had a chance. Everyone really gave it their all to try and achieve our goal. I want to take this opportunity to thank everybody for their support and dedication to the cause. However, as everyone has likely observed, for now at least, it's over. Sacrifices were made, hopes were elevated as high as could be, well...hoped! But, as fate would have it (as it often does in these situations), things just didn't go our way. We fought the good fight, and I know you were all behind us on this one. It just wasn't our time...this time.

So...as things stand right now, it would appear as though, in fact, we are all not going to die after all!

I know, I know...no one wants to admit when they're beaten. I know everybody was pushing for escalation. But it would seem that the Arab nations hate each other almost as much as they hate the Jews! Our own government, God bless them, apparently felt it better to only fight the fights they thought they could win, rather than the ones that needed fighting. Oh wait...oh, nevermind. I suppose the best we can hope for now is that a stray rock or perhaps a misconstrued glance at the wrong person will get the ball rolling again. Maybe even an ill willed comment about someones goat by one side or the other...wouldn't that be glorious?! Only time will tell, for now the word is: patience. Like the man said, "All we need is just a little patience".

Thank you, and good night.

That is all.

"Oh that...that's my Theme Music. Every good hero should have some!"

So anyway, I'm Baaaaack!!! I know not everyone's had a chance to weigh in on the last one, but I thought I'd go ahead and get the next one going anyway. So like I alluded to previously, here it is, plain and simple:

What are your top 10 favorite Themes ever?

Yes, I know, I'm still a bastard, perhaps becoming even more so with each new posting. Now in this case, I don't necessarily mean the Main Titles from the film. Just the (or just a) primary musical motif from the film. In some cases you may want to reference a specific cue or track from the CD to represent what you're really thinking (I know I will in a case or two). And again, you don't have to write an essay on each choice explaining it, but a little something for most of them might be nice. Character or event motifs really shouldn't count, but if you feel that strongly about one, then what the hell, by all means include it! And as Vogler demonstrated on the last posting, feel free to include runners-up or honorable mentions or what ever the hell you feel like calling them.

Oh, and don't set your phasers to kill on me yet, cuz if you hate me now, then my next post will make you want to pull my spine out through my asshole and parade me around like a friggin meat popsicle. So (once again) without further ado, I present...my choices:

10. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (Michael Kamen) - To this day I still get a little excited when I hear those cellos start grinding away with that opening ostinato. Like most Mike Kamen scores, the film mix blows the CD mix out of the water, nearly to the point where it almost sounds like two different orchestras performing. The CD sounds like a 30-piece group performing in my bathroom. Regardless, it's still about as rousing as rousing gets.

9. Monsignor (John Williams) - Ok, so...obviously most you (or people in general, for that matter) will have absolutely no frame of reference for what I'm talking about here. Monsignor was this bad little film from 1982 starring Christopher Reeve (God bless) as an American priest reassigned to the Vatican just after WWII who gets involved with the mafia, a woman, and other shady affairs. The music has only been available on LP and as a bootleg doubled with The Missouri Breaks. Just take my word for it that it's stirringly gorgeous (way better than the film deserved).

8. The Last Starfighter (Craig Safan) - Yes kids, that The Last Starfighter. That silly little guilty pleasure from '84 with all the cheesy computer effects about the trailer park kid that gets recruited from playing an arcade game to become a space fighter pilot "defending the Frontier against Zur, and the Kodan Armada!". Despite it's goofy synth embellishments (cheesy fx/cheesy music), it's still a fantastic little piece of music. Just take my word for it, go get the CD (you can usually find it online).

7. Ghost in the Shell (Kenji Kawai) - Once again I wander into the valley of the unknown for most. There's something eerily brilliant about this theme (or the whole score for that matter - which is basically just variations on the theme). The Japanese do strange things with their scores (and pull it off quite successfully), things that most Western composers wouldn't even think of trying. The vocal effects are genius. The theme is simultaneously haunting, moving, and deafeningly shrill.

6. Sabrina (1995) (John Williams) - My predilection for that which is schmaltzy will not be denied. I'm sorry, say what you will, but I think that this may be one of the most beautiful things written for piano (I even like the film - whatever happened to Julia Ormond anyway?). Whenever I need a little light cheering up, I'll sit down at the piano and play through a little of it, works every time.

5. Signs (James Newton Howard) - What more can I say than what I mentioned on the last list. Never in their short history has the Academy been so very wrong. This theme is Hitchcockian in a way that even Hitchcock and Herrmann may never have dreamed of. A pristine example of sheer compositional brilliance.

4. Star Trek: The Motion Picture/Star Trek: First Contact (Jerry Goldsmith) - I just can't split these two up. I love Jerry's Star Trek theme, and I particularly love what he did with it in the Next Gen films. I can't think of a better way to capture the emotion and awe of a first meeting with an alien intelligence than he did with his First Contact theme. So here they are, together, at number 4.

3. Anvil of Crom (from Conan the Barbarian) (Basil Poledouris) - There's something about that many Horns blasting away like they do here that's almost boner inducing. I suppose it's safe to say that Basil is my 3rd favorite composer and this theme (the whole score for that matter) represents him at his absolute best. This is, in a word...Divine. If ever there was a score in dire need of a re-recording, I think Conan the Barbarian is it. It's funny, you combine two whole European orchestras together for your recording, you get perfection. Take one away, you get...well, Conan the Destroyer to be precise (yecch!).

2. Schindler's List (John Williams) - I'm sorry, but, I still get teary-eyed when I hear this. Where Star Trek: First Contact embodied wonder and awe, so does Schindler's List for the hauntingly tragic and hope within sadness. I can't help but think a piece of music like this was nothing if not a result of genuine Divine inspiration. This is truly God's music (regardless of which One represents you). I play this at the piano when I'm sad and want to stay that way (ok, well not always, but you get the idea).

1. Star Wars/Superman (John Williams) - Ok, so again, I just can't break these two up even though (unlike number 4) one has nothing to do with the other. With everything else prior on the list, what else could be number one? If either of these two themes don't stir some sort of excitement in you every time you hear them...you're dead inside. I hear Superman, and I think "Superman - man of steel, man who can fly, leaps tall buildings, etc.". It makes me want to fly. And regardless of how jaded you were by the Prequel Trilogy, regardless of your thoughts on The Lord of the Rings, nothing in cinema for the remainder of time will ever have the impact musically that the music from Star Wars has on Western culture. I hear that opening Bb major blast on a big screen and I just about jump out of my seat with excitement. Regardless of the 60 or 70 some odd years of film music history that came before them, these two themes are, and likely will forever be, the quintessential examples of music for film. It just does...not...get...any...better...

...period.

1st Runner-Up:

The James Bond Theme (particularly as represented by "The Company Car" in Tomorrow Never Dies*) (Monty Norman/David Arnold*) - I know Jack and shit about jazz (and Jack just left), but this, to me, is fantastic. The theme embodies cool sophistication and what David Arnold did with it in the aforementioned cue was pure genius.

2nd Runner-Up

Hymn to Red October (Basil Poledouris) - Big chorus...singing in Russian...nuff said!

3rd Runner-Up:

The Raiders March (John Williams) - As far as pop culture is concerned, this may have about the same impact musically as Star Wars or Superman. I couldn't very well leave it forgotten.

4th Runner-Up:

The 13th Warrior (particularly as represented by the track "Old Baghdad") (Jerry Goldsmith) - Brad already said enough about the Horns in his last list, so I'll leave it at that!

5th Runner-Up:

Batman (Danny Elfman) - The dark, evil cousin to the Superman march is exciting, brooding and bombastic. I adore most of Elfman's superhero themes (what the hell, he's done about three-fourths of them anyway), and this one is still the best. Unfortunately, I adore my top 10 even more so. But I couldn't very well leave this unmentioned. It should be illegal somehow that he's not doing Spiderman 3.

Honorable Mentions:

Rudy (Jerry Goldsmith) - What was it about this story that must have touched Jerry so deeply as to write such a moving theme? If I'm not mistaken, this one had some of the orchestral members misty-eyed after playing it, yes?! It's easy to see why...it picks at the heartstrings so very deeply.

The Imperial March (from The Empire Strikes Back) (John Williams) - One might argue that this is in fact the main theme of the film. In fact, I will, this is the Main Theme for The Empire Strikes Back. Sure, the main Main Theme is ever present, but given the context of the story, and the fact that this theme shows up more in this chapter than the other five combined, makes for a compelling argument that this is the central musical motif.

Lawrence of Arabia (Maurice Jarre) - You can blame Monsieur Jarre for setting the standard for which every desert or Arabic motif from nearly every film since is based. Unfortunately for everyone else...his is, and always will be the grandest. This theme is sweepingly epic like just about no other. Unfortunately for Jarre, this is one of his 3 scores that all of his other scores sound like. But it all basically started here.

Stargate (David Arnold) - Back to the desert, just on a different world. And it shows as Arnold's theme (and really entire score) are one of the few of this genre that don't sound like a Lawrence of Arabia rip-off. Oddly, I think it's a pretty safe statement to say that this is Arnold's best theme and score - helluva way to start seeing as how it was his first major one. If Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich really are going to do a second and third film as they've hinted at as of late, I hope they can bury the hatchet with Arnold and get him back to score them.

P.S. Once again, bonus points for the title...Name That Movie!!!

That is all.

"Oh, I Like A Lotta Lumps...Eeeeeechh!!!"

So anyway, I was thinking of something that struck me as particularly funny, so I'll share with the rest of the class. Wouldn't it be great if there was a parody of the scene from Batman when Jack's in the plastic surgeons office after the big plunge. You know the one where he's in the dark and says, "Mirror...MIRROR!!!". Only in the parody you see a guy sitting in a chair in the dark kind of twitching a bit. Instead of demanding a mirror he says, "Coffee...COFFEE!!!". So the guy hands him a cup and he takes a sip with a long, drawn out slurpy sound. Then just like in Batman he starts laughing manically and the doctor starts to panic, even saying roughly the same line, "You see vat I haf to vork vith hier?". Cut to the coffee machine in the corner...it's smoking and shaking, and sparks are blazing out...the things basically about to explode. The guy in the dark continues laughing hysterically and throws the mug against the wall smashing it into a thousand pieces. He charges up the stairs, still laughing and the camera pans over next to the coffee maker where we see a jar of generic brand coffee with "DECAF" in big bold letters printed on the jar.

I don't know why, but to me...that's good funny!

P.S. 50 bonus Brownie points to anyone who gets the title reference!

That is all.

The Best Nineteen Minutes Ever

So anyway, a long time ago in a posting far, far away we discussed our top ten pieces of music that we couldn't live without. You know, the whole if I were stuck on an island and I could only have...yada, yada, yada. Anyway, I thought I'd throw a new one out there for any and everyone who'd like to contribute:

Name your top 10 favorite individual cues/tracks ever.

"Gee, thanks Mike, that's not going to be challenging or anything". You know, these are the ones that you repeat ad infinitum every time you play the CD (assuming said cue even has a recording available). This doesn't necessarily have to be what you'd pick for the top ten greatest individual cues ever recorded for film, just your ten personal favorites. Of course, one might correlate one's ten favorite cues/tracks as being the best ever, but in this case, that doesn't necessarily have to be the the case. You don't really need to explain your reasoning for every choice unless you want to (I know I'm not). One rule, stick to actual timed cues as much as possible (this can be difficult when dealing with music from the MV guys, I know), we'll discuss Main Themes in my next posting...and then, a real treat (hint: break out your CD's).

So without further ado, here we go:

10: Stealing the Enterprise - Star Trek III (James Horner) - I know, III isn't exactly a fan favorite, but I really love this cue. It takes most of the best elements from II and cranks them way up (better recording too).

9: The Mutant - Total Recall (Jerry Goldsmith) - I've spent hours trying to pick this out at the piano and have yet to get my brain around it.

8: The Ludlows - Legends of the Fall (James Horner) - Ok, so this is essentially a thematic suite timed to the film, but it's still gorgeous.

7: Theology/Civilization - Conan the Barbarian (Basil Poledouris)

6: Adagio and Transfiguration - Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (Elliot Goldenthal)

5: I Could Have Done More - Schindler's List (John Williams) - I still get misty when I hear this...and put it to the film, fuggedaboudit - total waterworks.

4: The Last Giant Piece - The Iron Giant (Michael Kamen) - Goosebumps by the end, all one minute of it...seriously!

3: Wifeing - Conan the Barbarian (Basil Poledouris)

2: The Hand of Fate, Pt. II - Signs (James Newton Howard) - This cue alone was worth the Best Score Oscar...combine it with the rest of the score and... (what were they thinking that year?).

and......

1: The Battle of Hoth/The Asteroid Field - The Empire Strikes Back (John Williams) - Ok, so let's be honest...regardless of how many different ways this has been broken up in the various iterations of the soundtrack album (the original double LP/CD had it in five parts, spread out all over the album, I think), it's still essentially one cue. A hefty 19 minute cue, but one cue nonetheless. Sure the Asteroid Field portion was recorded separately, but in the film, there's no break...so it's one cue, one damned fine cue, maybe one of the best ever composed for film...period.

WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!

So anyway, how's about a two for one sale today. I know that's (the title, that is) a bit of a paranoid alarmist statement, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little concerned about affairs around the world at the moment. I'm sure that the grandparents of people my age expected World War III a long time ago. And as for my generation, I think most of them figured they could just put the war-mongers of the world in time-out before anything serious happened. Honestly I was hoping never to see a major global conflict in my lifetime...but as things are currently shaping up, I'm not so sure that's going to happen. I wonder if any pools have been started as to when this will bust out into all out war? I'm not entirely up on my Middle Eastern politics, but I'm assuming that these Hezbollah rebels that took the Israelis are based out of Beirut...and that's why Israel is seeing fit to lay the holy smack down on Lebanon.

The word for the day boys and girls is escalation...can you say escalation? This is just going to get worse, I can feel it. The trick will be to see just who will get involved over the next few days and weeks. I can't help but think Egypt may actually have enough collective sense to stay out of it at all costs, lest them silly Jews smack'em 'round like bitches again. The Iraqis are currently too busy slaughtering themselves right now to get in on the action. The Iranians, I would imagine, are now really in a rush to get "the bomb". The Saudis will probably stay out of it or risk losing all that oil moolah from the U.S. And as for Syria, Jordan, and Libya, only Allah knows what they're up too!

I don't know. I'm something of an incurable optimist so I'm hoping this will end swiftly and quasi-peacefully. But I'm also a cynic, which means my realist tendencies are trampling all over my positive Chi and telling me that I have a very bad feeling about this.

Thoughts?

That is all.

Practical Physics

So anyway, something funny happened to me the other day. I was coming out to my car from work thinking my week couldn't possibly get any shittier. Alas, the Lord had greater plans for my day. I park in a garage across the street from the building I work in, and, like most downtown parking garages, it's poorly lit so I couldn't see the, ahem, problem from outside the car. I get in and a glimmer catches my eye. On the dashboard is a fragment of orange plastic. If you were me, about that time you'd likely be saying, "What the fuck?!?!". I toss it away only to see a spray of little orange remnants all over the dash, console and passenger seat. Again..."What the FUCK?!?!". It seems that at some point prior in the week, my mother left a cigarette lighter on the dash of my car. Said lighter, after an afternoon in the sun, became pressurized or heated (or likely both) and exploded all over the front of my car. The force of said explosion combined with projecting the one metallic component of the lighter (the top) CRACKED MY FUCKING WINDSHIELD!!!

Actually, it is really pretty funny...I mean come on, what are the odds?! I suppose I should just be glad I wasn't in the car when it happened. As it turns out, the force of the blast was powerful enough to wedge a couple of pieces of plastic between the glass and the interior portion of the windshield frame directly in front of me. I swear, I'm always fixing something on that goddamned car!

So...who wants to blow up some more shit? (I do, I do!!!)

That is all.

Ignorance is Bliss

So anyway, he did it again. I'm actually kind of bitter really because it seems like anymore the only time I have something to blog on is when Dubya does or says something completely stupid. Case in point...go here. It seems yesterday in an interview with Larry King, Fearless Leader stated that he would "...rather be...correct, rather than being popular". Ignoring the alert for the redundancy police (how many times can a person say rather in a single sentence?), that may be the single most mindless bit of rhetoric I've heard...ever.

This of course comes in the wake of the most awful public approval ratings of his stint in orifice (that was intended, btw). While it's true that history has occasionally shown that doing an unpopular thing (Hiroshima, or turning that "ugly duckling" into the prom queen on a bet, for instance) was still likely the right thing to do, more often than not being so despised by a full majority of your people (even some of the ones that voted for you) is usually a good indication that you are, in fact, not doing something right. Mutinies and military coups (sp?) start this way you know!

Currently, his approval rating is sitting at or just below 30%. Roughly translated, that means that about 50% of the people in this country think that Bush could fuck-up wiping his own ass. While another 20% or so believe he could manage it as long as Cheney was gentle in removing his fist. The remaining 30% don't believe his shit stinks to begin with (many of these are likely the same type of people who would like to see cow tipping added as an Olympic event and find nothing wrong with marrying your cousin/sister/mother so long as she's purdy and puts out). Luckily for him (not so much for the rest of the world) he has some of the best (or perhaps worst, depending on your point of view) spin doctors money can buy making it look like an Iraqi Al-Qaida cell was attempting to hide WMD's in the President's ass thereby preventing the toilet paper from making good, solid contact. On a side note, remember the one about the American Indian trying to buy toilet paper from the General Store...you know, where he gets the cheap stuff and brings it back saying "This'm toilet paper like John Wayne...it rough and tough and don't take'm no damn shit off'm any Indians!". Anyway...

Just venting a little...so what does everyone else think?

Smooth Move Ex-Lax!

So anyway, in the spirit of Lewis Black's now famous (or perhaps infamous, depending on which side of the fence you hang out on) rants on Michael Jackson and Dick Cheney - for those that are unfamiliar, his idea is that just saying their names is enough to induce a good belly laugh, one need not actually tell a "joke" on the subject - I give you:

George W. Bush.

Why, you may ask?! Well as no doubt the entire world (free or otherwise) has heard by now, our fearless leader, at an outdoor press conference two days ago, mocked a reporter for wearing his "shades" (as he so eloquently put it) to the event. Unbeknownst to the great one but now knownst to everyone everywhere (come on...please say somebody gets that!), said eyewear donning reporter has a degenerative optical condition that has rendered him...wait for it...LEGALLY FUCKING BLIND!!!

In the immortal words of Mr. Slave..."OH, JESUTH CHRISTH!!!"

I'd like to take this moment to hold my head down in shame on behalf of everyone in this country!

You can find the original CNN.com story here. At this point, I've nothing left to say. He finally did it...he finally did something so fucking dumb that it rendered me speechless.

Thoughts?!

That is all.

Hooray For Our Side!!!

So anyway, I was just wondering, is anyone else as ecstatic about this as I am?! I've been following this for a while now and I say it's about fucking time!!! Thoughts?!?!

That is all.

(Horrible) Thought For The Day, Part Deux

So anyway, had another interesting thought I'd share with everyone. Have you ever looked at your boss and wondered if they've (in my case, "she's") ever taken it up the keester. Let me be clear in disclaiming that I mean this in no sexual connotation whatsoever. I'm relatively sure my boss has, seeing as how A: Her ass is exceptionally large and disproportionate to the remainder of her body. She flaunts it proudly, almost patriotically, in pants that are always at least one size too small...and B: Even though she's a woman, I'm almost certain that she has a penis...ergo, she wouldn't have another hole to put it anyway.

Yes, she's that kind of ugly. You know, the kind that makes you have a serious philosophical debate with yourself as to just what gender said person is. I like to imagine that there are no mirrors in her world. Not because she's a vampire, but rather because her reflection could destroy the fabric of space and time.

The really icky part...she has four children. Some poor schlub actually put his penis in her...four times!!!

Ewwww......

that is all.