Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Boredom Part Deux, A Game

So, anyway, given my propensity for extreme bouts of boredom, and given that our little sewing circle here fancies itself a bunch of film-philes, I offer…a game.

Below you’ll find 10 quotes, one-liners, or short scenes from films. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to identify said films based on the dialogue. Bonus points will be given to those who can identify the character names, which have been omitted for difficulty, involved therein. Double bonus will be given (in the extremely unlikely event) for any corrections to the dialogue in question. In most cases, characters will me reduced to things like “man #1” or “woman #2”. If said character has a title, and said title doesn’t reveal too much about the aforementioned character, that title will be used (e.g. “Dr.” or “Queen”, etc.). You may not use any web material for solutions (aside from asking each other for help that is). Only the contents of your own mind, or shared knowledge from the group, are acceptable. I know that’s a hard rule to enforce, but in the spirit of fun and fairness, please adhere to it – call it an honor system. The person with the highest score after a week, or the first person to complete the game will (or may) restart the game with their own quotes in their own category, but must adhere to the previously stated rules.

For this game, the category is: Comedies. One of them isn’t a comedy per se, but has a hell of a lot of great one-liners. I’ll ‘give’ you the first one as a throwaway:

Man #1: “Sir, are we being too literal?”
Man #2: “No you fool, we were told to comb the desert, so we’re combing it. FOUND ANYTHING YET?!?!"
Man #3: “Nothing yet, sir!!!”
Man #4: “Not a thing, SIR!!!”
Man #5: “WE AIN’T FOUND SHIT!!!”

Dr. Flamont: “Now go my son. If they catch you here, your life will be worth less than a truck-load of dead rats in a tampon factory!”.

Mrs. Bickerman: “You know, if I had a dick, this is where I’d tell you to suck it!”

Ronnie Cammareri: “I don’t care…I ain’t no freakin’ monument to justice! I LOST MY HAND! I LOST MY BRIDE! JOHNNY HAS HIS HAND; JOHNNY HAS HIS BRIDE! YOU WANT ME TO TAKE MY HEARTACHE, PUT IT AWAY AND FORGET?!?!?!”

Del: “You play with your balls a lot!”
Neal: “I DO NOT!”
Del: “Larry Bird doesn’t do as much ball handling in one night as you do in an hour!”
Neal: “Are you trying to start a fight?”
Del: “NO! I’m simply stating a fact, that's all; you fidget with your nuts a lot!”
Neal: “You know what would be nice…”
Del: “Another pair of balls and an extra set of fingers - HA HA HA HA!?”

Cerrano: “I’m pissed off now Jobu! Look, I’m good to you…I stick up for you. But you no help me now…I say fuck you Jobu! I do it myself!”

Garland: “He’s a font of misplaced rage. Name your cliché: ‘Mother held him too much...or not enough. Last picked at kickball. Late night sneaky uncle’ or whatever. Now, moments of levity actually cause him pain…gives him headaches. Happiness for that gentleman hurts.”
Cameron: “What the hell’s wrong with him, man?!”
Baby-O: “My first guess would be…a lot!!!”

Lt.: “Alright, goddammit, for the last time, was there, or wasn’t there a woman?!”
Dave: “Are you serious?!”
Lt.: “Yes, dammit, I’m serious!!!”
Dave: “Fuzzy-Wuzzy was a woman?!”
Lt.: “What the hell is he talkin’ about?!”
Wally: “He’s gotta read your lips; you’re talkin’ too fast!”
Lt.: “Ok, fine! Was…there…or…was-n’t…there…a…woh-man…pres…ent?!”
Dave: “Yes…there…was…a…wo…man…pre…sent.”
Lt.: “Why the hell’s he talkin’ like that?!”
Wally: “Be…cause…he’s…deaf-ff…not…stooo…pidd!!!”

Frau: “Vould you care for some braaandy, before I say goodnight?”
Dr.: “No…thank you.”
Frau: “Some varm miiillk……perhapsssss.”
Dr.: “NO! Thank you! I’m fine!”
Frau: “…OVALTINE!!!”
Dr.: “NOTHING!!! …I’m a little tired, I would like to go to bed.”
Frau: “Zen I vill say…Goodnight.”

Earl: “Dammit now you’re never gonna find a good woman unless she meets the stupid qualifications of that Debbie Lynn Dexter…”
Earl: “Oh, whatever!!! They’re all the same…dead weight! ‘Ooh, look…I broke a nail'…ugh, makes my skin crawl!”
Val: “Well what can I say, I’m a victim of circumstance!”
Earl: “I thought you called it your pecker!!!”

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

I Need A New Hobby!

So anyway, as a bit of an addendum to the commentary on Vogler's John Williams birthday celebration from the other day, I've discovered this morning (thanks to Brad's weblink) that of the 101 films in his filmography, I have 79 on CD. Of the remaining 22, only 9 have ever seen any kind of CD release (and all but 4 of those are bootlegs). The Poseidon Adventure from FSM also contains tracks from Conrack and The Paper Chase (that makes three of the four). The fourth as I recently discovered is a Varese release of his Tom Sawyer adaptation that, surprisingly enough, is still available! I have everything (in one form - ahem *puts on guilty face*- or another) from about 1976 on up.

I need help...really! I've actually justified (in my mind) having to shell out the $100+ (each) it's going to cost me to get a copy of Poseidon and a legit copy for FSM's Towering Inferno. The rest I'll get eventually. It's like crack. I have to have them ("I got these cheeseburgers maaan!"). I believe Brad once made a referrence to collecting CD's like bottlecaps. That's me! Call me Bottlecap Boy! I've thought about taking up archery. The trouble would be avoiding the temptation to actually shoot somebody! Oh, and it's pricey (a good starter bow costs upwards of $350 - then there's ones are free, but the man tends to frown on that sort of thing, hehe - arrows, tips, miscellaneous supplies).

So um...yeah! I need a new hobby, something cheaper preferrably. Any suggestions!?!?(masturbation is not a hobby - it could I suppose be a contact sport...but I haven't got the knees for contact sports anymore!).

Thursday, February 09, 2006

The Chuck Norris Fact...O'The Day

And now for the Chuck Norris Fact......O'The Day:

For every movie about Vietnam starring Chuck Norris, the historical duration of the war decreases. Just 3 more "Missing in Action" sequels, and that war will have never actually existed.

Friday, February 03, 2006

And now for a REALLY touchy subject...

So anyway, as those from this area are no doubt aware, a temporary stay of execution has been granted for Michael Taylor, one of the men convicted of raping and murdering Ann Harrison in 1989. For those not familiar with the case (it made national news, but it was 17 years ago after all) Ann was a 15 year-old girl kidnapped from her bus stop by Taylor and friend Roderick Nunley. They then proceeded to take her to a house and basically torture her for 90 or so minutes finally stabbing her to death (unofficial accounts say she was stabbed over 40 times). Her body was left in the trunk of the stolen car they abducted her in and found three days later. This hits particularly close to home for me because Ann went to my high school. Her house at the time was about a mile from mine. Hell, one of my groomsmen dated her little sister for three years. I can still see the memorial garden in the courtyard of our high school in my mind. My mom, like half of those in the school district, wouldn’t let me ride the bus in the mornings for weeks.

Taylor’s parents (understandably, I suppose) have been making a pretty big push to get him out of his sentence. They’re primary argument is that he and Nunley were strung out on crack at the time and, as a result of that and other circumstances, didn’t realize what they were doing. On top of all that, they’re playing the race card as well saying that Taylor being black and Ann being white factored highly in his sentencing. Bullshit. Honestly, I don’t care. I have to say, and I know that this isn’t a “popular” opinion right now, that I think they deserve to die, horribly at that (there’s a famous Samuel L. Jackson line coming to mind right now…you guess!). There’s a big debate nationwide lately as to whether or not lethal injections are inhumane. Fuck that…these two guys deserve to have their balls stuffed down their throats until they suffocate. They both confessed to the crime (indicating the other as the ‘killer’ naturally). They both plead guilty in court. Sitting in a 5’X 8’ prison cell for the remainder of their days just isn’t good enough. Ann Harrison, by Taylor’s own confession, begged for them to stop raping her. She begged for them to stop beating her, and mutilating her. She begged for her life, and they did what they did anyway. DIE…that’s it. That’s all there is to it. You, Michael Taylor, deserve to die, as does your pal Nunley. You are a waste of skin and space. I know killing you won’t bring her back. It won’t undo what was done, it probably won’t truly give Ann’s parents a piece of mind…but what else is there to do.

The death penalty is one colossal can of worms. Here’s my viewpoint on the subject. Personally, I’m completely for it, with stipulations. Chiefly among those that there be absolutely no uncertainty whatsoever that the person being put to death is guilty of the crime for which they are being punished. I think in the end, the decision should involve the family of the victim. If the parents of a murdered child would prefer that their child’s killer spend the rest of his/her days in a concrete box, that should be their prerogative. I think the method of execution should match the crime. I think that capital punishment should be extended to include sexual predators and all crimes against children. Giving a child rapist and murderer a shot like some old dog is a ridiculous concept to the most spectacular degree. If the government is going to keep a criminal like this on death row for an extended period awaiting their fate, then that period should include a life of pain rivaled only by the darkest circles of hell. Their death should be as terrible and terror inducing as can be thought of. What can I say…I’m a sadist!

There are a million arguments about what justice is or isn’t. I’m not here to debate any of that today. I’m just getting a little anger off my chest really. I know that everyone is entitled to their opinion, and that every death row inmate is someone else’s son, or daughter, or father, or mother, etc. But in a case like this I can’t help but be completely incensed that someone out there thinks that these animals deserve better. I’m a father now. I know I’d never stop loving my son, even if (God forbid) he committed an atrocity like this. But in the end, I think I’d probably accept his fate and never stop cursing myself for whatever horrible wrong I did him that put him into that position. I’d have to live the rest of my days believing that I in fact was the one who did something wrong. And I honestly don't know if I could deny a victim's family their peace of mind.

Given my latest postings, one might be led to believe that I’m a very angry person. I’m not…really!!! I just keep running into stories like this that put me in the bad place. So please, somebody, give me some good news to get excited about…for the love of God, PLEASE!!!

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

What?! NO 'FISH'?!?!

So anyway, thought I'd throw a couple of cents into the Oscar pot.

The mad-dog-crazy Johnny fan in me thinks he'll bring home number six, but the cynic in me knows that "Music for Fudge-Packing Ranch Hands" will likely win. But, never underestimate the Academy members' ability to surprise you, case in point: Elliot Goldenthal for Frida!

I love Goldenthal, he's my, well...fourth favorite composer (behind Big John, Jerry, and Basil P.). But I wouldn't say that Frida represents a landmark acheivment in his career. If anything, Final Fantasy is, arguably of course, his best score.And of course it got completely snubbed because of the overwhelmingly horrid response to the movie. Frida was, like so many winners anymore, more of a "Sorry your little movie isn't going to win any big awards, so here take this one" award. With luck though, that may happen for Johnny and Memoirs.

I'm really kind of bent about Revenge of the Sith being snubbed for the FX award. I loved Kong, thought WETA did a slam-bang job, but overall, I still think Sith had the better work (and that's not just the Star Wars geek in me talking - mostly).

And now for something I'm really pissed about. Firstly, I must have missed a press release or something because I didn't know the Best Song category was being bumped down to 3 this year. That in and of itself isn't a big deal. But in my humble opinion, "So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish" from Hitchhiker's Guide is/was clearly the most interesting and original song this year, and perhaps in the last several. Besides being laugh-out-loud funny, it was really damn good. It just sucks that poor response for a film can ruin it's chances for just about any award. At the very least, they could've nominated it and then snubbed it for some crap Phil Collins song or something!

And Now From the "So Cute You Could Puke!" File

I doubt anyone really cares. But what the hell I can't help myself!