So anyway, I know it's been a while since I last posted. As the miniscule fragment of cyberspace that has discovered me has no doubt observed, my postings generally have consisted of either of my ranting and venting on various grievances that I have with certain aspects of our worldwide community, or just generalized lunacy that I felt overwhelmed to spew out in a somewhat therapeutic manner. Unlike my pal Vogler, I've started making it a point to avoid things like...the news. We both seem to get easily 'agitated' at the goings-on in the world, and frankly, I have enough in my own life to get pissed at...I don't need help. We have a shared idea about cynics and skeptics, but that's for another post. Of the two types of postings I mentioned above, this post might be viewed by some perhaps as the latter of the two. So let's get rolling.
I come to you now, with a theory so profound in its implications that it may very well shake the foundations of reality as we know it. There will be panic and rioting in the streets. The dead will rise from the grave. There will be dogs and cats...living together...MASS HYSTERIA!!! Well, ok, so not really, but it is a concept, of my own design, that I've been tinkering with for a while. And now I want to share it with you (don't you feel oh so special?).
Thing is, this is an idea I've had for several years, and until this morning, I've never really assembled it as a cohesive thought. As I was working last night, the idea reemerged after a rather extended hiatus thanks in no small part to a correlative idea I had that spawned from my work (more on that in a minute). By the way, in case I never mentioned it, not only do I moonlight as a banker, but also I work graveyard to boot. The only things out and about when I'm at work are vampires, crackheads, and hookers (vampires, crackheads, and hookers...OH MY!)...but I digress...
So now, here it is, for your ultimate viewing pleasure, Mikey's Theory of Sex and Parking Relativity:
For any given length of time, any particular person (though this seems especially true for men as women are typically the regulators of sexual activity) will have a seemingly direct (this assumes that there is complete validity to the theory), and yet concurrently inadvertent correlation between their sex life and the quality of parking spaces that they are able to obtain in so that if said person is getting 'good' sex regularly, they will be generally unable to obtain a decent parking spot anywhere they may travel. And so thus the inverse is also highly apparent and typically true that if one is not getting 'good' sex, or simply has not performed it at all for a length of time, said person would have an abundance of good fortune in finding a preferable parking area that is more agreeable to their general sense of typical human laziness. While obviously there is absolutely no physical connection between the two, the frequency with which they are interrelated is uncanny, owing to some imaginary magical force or something of that nature. It can be postulated that in some instances, neither 'good' parking nor sex can be acheived in tandem, and that only in the rarest of circumstances, perhaps owing to ones own faith and/or karma, that both can be had simultaneously.
I come to you now, with a theory so profound in its implications that it may very well shake the foundations of reality as we know it. There will be panic and rioting in the streets. The dead will rise from the grave. There will be dogs and cats...living together...MASS HYSTERIA!!! Well, ok, so not really, but it is a concept, of my own design, that I've been tinkering with for a while. And now I want to share it with you (don't you feel oh so special?).
Thing is, this is an idea I've had for several years, and until this morning, I've never really assembled it as a cohesive thought. As I was working last night, the idea reemerged after a rather extended hiatus thanks in no small part to a correlative idea I had that spawned from my work (more on that in a minute). By the way, in case I never mentioned it, not only do I moonlight as a banker, but also I work graveyard to boot. The only things out and about when I'm at work are vampires, crackheads, and hookers (vampires, crackheads, and hookers...OH MY!)...but I digress...
So now, here it is, for your ultimate viewing pleasure, Mikey's Theory of Sex and Parking Relativity:
For any given length of time, any particular person (though this seems especially true for men as women are typically the regulators of sexual activity) will have a seemingly direct (this assumes that there is complete validity to the theory), and yet concurrently inadvertent correlation between their sex life and the quality of parking spaces that they are able to obtain in so that if said person is getting 'good' sex regularly, they will be generally unable to obtain a decent parking spot anywhere they may travel. And so thus the inverse is also highly apparent and typically true that if one is not getting 'good' sex, or simply has not performed it at all for a length of time, said person would have an abundance of good fortune in finding a preferable parking area that is more agreeable to their general sense of typical human laziness. While obviously there is absolutely no physical connection between the two, the frequency with which they are interrelated is uncanny, owing to some imaginary magical force or something of that nature. It can be postulated that in some instances, neither 'good' parking nor sex can be acheived in tandem, and that only in the rarest of circumstances, perhaps owing to ones own faith and/or karma, that both can be had simultaneously.
George Carlin once said, "These are the kinds of things I think about when I'm home alone and the lights go out!". So anyway there it is. As you've no doubt noticed, I put a lot of thought into this. And, as I said, I remembered it while at work since I have a similar situation there on a weekly basis...I should really consider filing workers comp against those assholes for making me even more fucking crazy than I already was.
At any rate, think on it, and then feel free to talk amongst yourselves...
3 comments:
It's so deep, so profound, so insightful. I don't know if we can be friends anymore.
I've never paid any attention if there is a correlation. You see, some of us choose to plant our vehicles on the roof of the carpark simply to avoid "bad parkers" All-in-all, though, a very interesting theory. You should get government money and do a study.
By the way, how can something be both "direct" and "inadvertent"??? (Sorry I couldn't help myself!)
Good point (fucker), I'll rephrase (fucker fucker).
No on second thought, I'll just elaborate. And the only reason you'd want me to get study money is so you can help me watch the test subjects getting it on!
And you're still a fucker!
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