She Must Be Stopped

So anyway, I don't know if you've seen her. I don't know who she is. I don't know where she comes from - I'm guessing the darkest circle in all of hell. I don't know what her plan is. Mind control? Death by sensory overload? WORLD DOMINATION?!?! You tell me. But she is everywhere...and nowhere. She is everyone...and she is no one. She is evil; she is a succubus; she is the Dark One; she is the worm, feasting its way into the core of our society. She will destroy us all...and she must be stopped. Join me...join me in my struggle. Rally to the cause. Only together, as a whole, can we hope to defeat this plague upon mankind. Individually, she will devour our souls - leave us as but empty, rotting shells to be cast into the soil. But together - we just may have a chance. JOIN ME!!! Let us stand together, united against this blight upon our world!!!

I'm of course talking about...

...the cute little Asian girl from those new Windows 7 commercials (who were you thinking of?)! You can see her here. I'm telling you, there's something not right with that little shit! Seriously, that kid is too cute, and WAAAAAAAAAAAY too-the-fuck-smart to not be the Antichrist! She's gotta be what...6...tops?!?! Just watch her - it's not natural for a child that age to put together a PowerPoint demo like that - it just has to be the work of Satan and his League of Evil (or Glenn Beck...take your pick)!!! Hell...I couldn't put something like that together - and I'm really good with that shit! AND - she's totally adorable, which immediately says to me... Hellspawn. It's just not natural - therefore it must be wrong...and it must be stopped. I used to think that that goddamned Penis-Pill Bob was the harbinger of our doom - seems we've managed to stave off that toothy-grinning, nemesis bastard. But alas, PPB was just that, a simple messenger - sent to warn us of the coming darkness that would befall mankind...

...in the form of a sweet, tiny, Asian-American, kindergarten girl. Nope...wouldn't have seen that one coming. Uh-uh...not it a million years. Eat your fuckin' heart out Shyamalan - that's a "paradigm shift" (his words, not mine) for all time!

She must be stopped...join the fight! ("Service guarantees Citizenship!")