So anyway, say you like ham sandwiches. So, you fix yourself a ham sandwich - thick sliced wheat bread (crust optional); add a bit of mayo...maybe a touch of mustard; about a half-dozen or so slices of brown sugar glazed ham; I'm not a tomato eater - but to each their own; some crisp, leafy lettuce...
...and some fresh-sliced provolone cheese...mmm, yummy.
Anyway, say your significant other also likes ham sandwiches. They gaze upon your sandwich almost lustfully, mouth nearly watering. So...you fix them a sandwich...exactly like yours. But wait...no, no, no, they don't want provolone! No...none of that mister, they want Swiss. But wait, your sandwich doesn't have Swiss...it has provolone - and provolone is so much better than Swiss (I mean come on really - Swiss, when you can have provolone?). You try to explain this - you even offer a small sample of provolone for comparison.
NO!!! NO PROVOLONE - I ONLY WANT SWISS, they demand. But...you liked the provolone, you counter - it's so much better, and are they really that different anyway? Keep it up and I won't have any cheese at all, they retort. So you cave, and give them the Swiss...knowing full well the provolone is better and that they'd like it too if they'd try it.
And so, you eat your ham sandwiches. Yours is better...you know it, they know it - but there's just no convincing some people. You both finish, maybe top it off with a nice glass of milk. But, to add insult to injury - and perhaps just out of spite - your significant other begins to argue that it wasn't even ham at all...
...it was turkey.
Wait...wha...HUH?!?!?! TURKEY?!?!?!
Where the hell did that come from? Clearly it was ham - and the provolone would have been much better!!!
NO! It was turkey they offer, and with Swiss to boot - and why Swiss? Cheddar or American would have been better!
GAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!
10 comments:
Mustard and mayo, huh?
I've wondered that about you for awhile now.
word verification: cones
All that...and all you have is a dippy comment about my liking mustard and mayo on a deli sandwich?
I'm actually kind of disappointed! I expected better berating...shame really.
This whole thing is a metaphor, right?
Sure! I just expected a better quality of insult, that's all.
Why the hell are you up so early if you're not going to work?!
Sometimes I like to play with my pickle when no one's watching because it feels good.
I guess that wasn't very well-disguised.
One of these days you're going to post something useful and we're all going to be too busy dealing with the apocalypse to notice.
SEE!!! That's more like it!
If you could only decode the message it would be infinitely more funny - and you'd never feel clean again...a little bad with the good, eh?
Actually, I have two I'm working on - one in tandem with your post about "real" Mmerica...and a second that fits rather peculiarly with a recurring theme of this very blog (hint - not porn...the other one).
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