Friday, August 28, 2009

Shuffle Mode

So anyway, I thought just for fun I'd randomly just jot down things as they came to me over the course of my evening/morning here at work because well...because why the fuck not! So without further ado (a break/new paragraph will indicate a pause in thought - or pause to, you know, actually work!):

Goddamn it anyway - this Matrix Reloaded complete score that I, ahem, acquired is fucking awesome! It might just be as good or better than the first one - which you wouldn't know thanks to that crap album Warner Bros put out. I could listen to another 10 minutes of that alternate "Burly Brawl" - amazing stuff.

Awww...fuck man! See, that's what I get for being a dirty fucking pirate like Brad - I'm missing all the electronica/techno/fusion cues on my iPod. Why?!?! Because I forgot that they weren't composed by Don Davis!!! So naturally - I didn't pull them onto my iPod from iTunes (that's too many fucking 'i'S' in my life) - there are big fuck holes in the score now...shit, shit, shit, shit, shit...

Ok, so...yeah, I know my nights have gotten pretty fucking slow over the last couple of months - but this is ridiculous! I REALLY need to find a way to find something more interesting to do on my computer besides playing solitaire and (fucking) minesweeper all goddamned night! Hell, I'll take frakkin' checkers at this point - just give me something new to do!!!

Dude, my teacher for my 'computer' class at Longview is a total fucking Cougar!!! Went to class tonight - there she is: bleached blonde; athletic build; fake baked; (guessing) late 40's; tight, short dress; and for ze Piece de Resistance...patent red 5-inch 'fuck me' pumps! AAAAAANNNNND...she teaches HIGH SCHOOL during the day (freshman classes to boot!)!!! She probably had a mass exodus of boys leaving her classes today heading straight for the bathroom stalls to hammer out knuckle-children like it was going out of fucking style!!!

Can't say enough good things about District 9; GODDAMMIT what a great movie - I'm diggin' the score (it's available for $7.99 on iTunes btw). Sure, it's kinda derivative, and quite obviously a product of the temp track (Batman Begins anyone!), but it's all very well made - especially on that tiny little $30 million (HA!) budget.

Hrmm - wailing man...that's new...

One problem I do have with it actually has little to do with the film itself, and comes from a comment Clinton Shorter made to Film Score Monthly online for this month's interview segment. He said that during the production process, he tried creating a more melodic score, but [director] Blomkamp kept coming back and saying "It sounds like fucking E.T.!!!" Which to me is a somewhat frightening and kinda sad look into the mindset of young filmmakers today. Firstly, never use E.T. as an analogy for something "bad" about film music - it makes you look/sound ignorant and stupid. Anyway, younger directors seem to have lost (or maybe never had) a real feel and appreciation for the craft of making orchestral film music. Shorter tried and tried to create 'authentic' ethnic sounds for the score, but Blomkamp insisted on "darker" and "heavier" drums, and stock string ostinati - resulting in the (generic) Media Ventures-esque sound that accompanied the final film.

I'm a little off of listening to music lately. Been shuffling a lot of comedy on my iPod. Guess maybe it's a little disheartening to hear so much great music being performed...and NONE OF IT IS MINE!!! Anyway, really digging on Patton Oswalt, Lew Black (naturally), Mitch Hedberg (RIP man), and Maria Bamford lately (dat chick is like so crasy mang!).

And of course, the always awesome (as a hot dog) Mr. Edward Izzard. I really want to get my hands on his Sexie album. It's only available as an import - but, fuck it, it's Eddie Izzard, it has to be worth the price!

So...sleepy - must...have...Mountain...Dew...or eightball...

I don't mean to offend, but I've just about come to the conclusion that black people don't sleep (hey, I said this would be random). I mean seriously...DUDE - who the hell are you talking to at this time of night?! I don't know anybody, and I mean ANYBODY, that would be anything short of fucking hostile if I called them just to shoot the shit at 4 in the fucking morning!

It's nice and all that I found a workaround to get on Facebook here at work, but unfortunately I still can't IM anyone - not that anyone on my friend's list would be up right now to chat anyway. chalupa too many last night methinks.

So I'm assuming everyone's seen the Avatar teaser by now. It looks pretty cool, but I have to say, if I hadn't been following what it's about on the net over the last few months, the teaser would be fucking weird as get-all. I mean really - to the uninformed, it looks like the Aliens Marines Vs. Giant Smurf Alien People, whaaaaaaaa?!?!

GAAAHH! My mom's turning my son into a java junkie - why God, WHHHHHHYYYYY?!?! He's wired enough as it is goddammit!

"Marijuana users being condescending to alcoholics - that's a little hypocritical isn't it!? It's kinda like Idi Amin looking at Gandhi and going 'You're too intense!'" - Robin Williams (1984, at the Met)...that's funny shit!

Shouldn't it have been obvious to The Architect that there was something special about Neo, something different from all the past iterations of The Chosen One? Little clues sprinkled all over the place - like the fact that during his first fight with the "new" agents, he was able to recognize that they were 'upgrades'. If Neo was just like all the previous incarnations, shouldn't those upgraded agents have already been written into the Matrix? The Matrix shouldn't have needed improved code to attempt to deal with him. The sequels are a lot smarter than most people give them credit for. Ok, so I'm probably thinking too hard about this shit!

Ok, so before this gets long (HA - too late!), I'm gonna check out. I'll be back later...yeah, we'll just go with later...with my thoughts on Inglourious Basterds.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Define Irony (Part-o Numero Dos...o)

So anyway, as I'm sure you've all heard...people are REALLY fucking stupid! Case in point - this little nugget. It seems that this woman left her dog in her car on a hot day and - whodafuckinthunkit - it died!!! I left a burrito in a hot car exploded - I suppose that's similar.! OK, well whatever. The kicker in all this - she's the CEO of the Richmond, VA chapter of the FUCKING SOCIETY FOR THE PREVENTION OF CRUELTY TO ANIMALS (note, I originally had that last 'fucking' between 'to' and 'animals' - which is just silly because let's face it...all animals are fucking animals right?!)!!!!!

How...exactly...does one, erm...qualify to lead an organization such as the SPCA? Do you have to be friends with George W. Bush? Is there a test? Is it multiple choice? Is it graded on some kind of bell curve? Shouldn't said hypothetical test have a question like, oh I dunno, say:

You have a dog. The temperature outside feels like you're seven inches from the fucking sun. You need to buy a double-dong dildo and stamps. You should:

A: Leave Fuzzy McShitbag at home
B: Take Fuzzy McShitbag with you, but take him into Skeevy's Dildo and Stamp Emporium
C: Take Fuzzy McShitbag with you, but leave him in your car (in the Hell-weather) to die a horrible, stifling death
D: Take Fuzzy McShitbag out back and just shoot him now because you have no business owning an ant farm, let alone a dog
E: Answer D and then put one in your own worthless lump on your shoulders


Sunday, August 09, 2009

"Let's all just calm the fuck down..."

So anyway, I read this article on and immediately thought of Lew Black:

"They've won!!! We don't have to worry about the terrorists immobilizing us...we've done it to ourselves!"

OK, so granted he was talking about the fact that The Weather Channel is the most watched television station in the country. But I think the point still applies. What the fuck is wrong with people - they're running around in a full blown panic because they can't "TWEET" what color the shit they just let was!!! "It's like my heart was gone...I felt so empty inside" - FUCK YOU, and your pathetic, pointless, bullshit nonsense! Go outside and make an actual friend you ignorant fuck!!!

And what's the deal with this goddamned Twitter thing anyway?! I'll admit - I signed up for it right after I heard about it. Yeah, I signed up...spent about 27 seconds there - and then gave it a hearty "fuck this" and moved on. I mean, what is it really? It's Facebook, sans EVERYTHING except the status update feature! No bells, no whistles - hell, the bells and whistles were basically pissed on, then set on fire! Someone please explain to me the point of a site that's sole purpose is to leave a message to anyone and everyone as to what it is you're doing at any given moment! Well let's see world - I just pooed; now I'm staring off into space; now I'm watching flies fuck; now I'm taking a bite of my mashed potatoes; now I'm about to walk headlong into a speeding freight train because I won't take the time to look up from my friggin' phone; now I'm one-handing this because the other one's tossing my willy 'round a bit...AHHH...brb - gotta clean that hand off!!!


The missus signed up too, just out of curiosity - she hasn't been back either. Oddly enough, she has something like 20 "followers" (I have three I think). Talk about the express line to fucking NOWHERE!!! There are at least 20 individuals somewhere in this world that are waiting to see what someone they've never seen, met or have any connections to whatsoever is up to - and talk about your exercises in futility! Neither of us are going back...ever! God help anyone who's universe centers on waiting to see what I'm up to. You know, there's another group of people who have "followers" - they're called CULT LEADERS!!! Just as an experiment, I should go out and collect as many as I can - then Tweet all the males to ritualistically shave their balls before they castrate themselves with a rusty butter know, just to see how many would actually do it. Wonder if I could get a harem going along that same principle?

What does it say about a culture who's members have a complete meltdown because they can't (what essentially amounts to) leave a public text message? Now we have a website that lets you leave a text for the whole damned world. And I thought the whole text message craze was bad enough. I really don't get the point of that either. It's...a fucking PHONE!!! You dial a number, and you can actually talk, to a real live person - no shit! Whodathunkit! Naaaah...fuck that! Why actually communicate when you can have a god damned spell-a-thon with them? While we're at it, I'll use it to play games and check my e-mail too! A phone - whatever! Seriously, what's next - using video communication to speak to each other with Morse code?!?! I can just see it - two fucking idiots staring at each other via computer screen; they don't say a word...they just tap at each others faces with a series of dots and dashes! Don't know Morse code - don't worry...there's probably a fucking iPhone App to teach you!!!

A global meltdown because people couldn't fuckin' Tweet...for two goddamned hours no less - Jesus H. Christ!!! At this rate, I predict that about 60 - 70% of the Earth's population will have forgotten how to wipe their own asses within 15 years. Now THAT'S a goddamned epidemic! Mass hysteria, riots, chaos of biblical proportions as people crowd the streets because they can't figure out how to get the shit off their asses! Can we collectively agree to, henceforth, refer to Twitter-ers as twats?! ...Or twits - I suppose you could go with both, make them gender specific...that might be fun!

Christ, where's a copy of the fuckin' Guide when you need one - someone needs to tell these people don't fucking panic!