If I Were a Tiger

So anyway, not a lot to say on the subject - but I just thought I'd throw my two cents out on it regardless. And besides, I needed something new on my blog...even if it is just fluff. I like fluff (or maybe I just like fluff-ers - guess that's something for a different post entirely). Anyway, I'm fascinated at the mentality of both the American media, and the surprisingly large percentage of our population who's lives seem to hinge on every little piece of bullshit dribble that comes out of it. So now we have Tigergate, or whatever the fuck the "news" outlets are calling it. So he wrecked his car...in his OWN FUCKING FRONT YARD!!! So he's supposedly fucked someone that wasn't his wife...welcome to the human fucking race! Last I heard, about 75% of all men...EVERYWHERE...are unfaithful to someone at some point in their lives! It's nature, guys can't, try as they may, fight 100,000 years of evolution. The natural question would seemingly be (for sensible, logical, intelligent people): what fucking business is it of ours anyway?!?! But alas, we don't live in a sensible, logical, or even remotely fucking intelligent society - so for those people the question seems to be "Why Tiger, WHY?!?!"

Seriously...what the FUCK is wrong with you people?!?!

It's none of your business. It will never be any of your business. It should never be any of your business. It wasn't anyone's business when Clinton got a hummer from Fatty McTrampstamp. Did we, as a people, make it our business? You bet your nosy ass we did!!! The American ideology seems to be that if you are a public figure, fuck the Bill of Rights - fuck life, liberty, and all that - you do not get a private life. And it's wrong...it's just plain wrong. The founding fathers of this country could never have had the foresight to account for the modern "celebrity" when they were drafting our nations laws. I can't help but think that if they had only known...there'd be a helluva lot more stipulations in those first ten amendments in regards to what "freedom of speech" and "freedom of the press" really mean. I suppose I really shouldn't be surprised by any of this. After all we are a nation where the press spends months dedicating front-page "news" to the ever-fluctuating size of [insert female entertainer's name here]'s ass, and how it's deteriorating the moral fabric of our society.

If I were Tiger, there would've been no statements to the police. No statements to the press. No statements to anybody. Were I Tiger, I'd stick to fixing my own shit, in the privacy of my own...well, erm...compound (let's face it, the guy doesn't have a "house", it's too fucking big to just be called a house). The only person he has to answer to right now is his wife. Not me, not you, not anyone else. OK, well I guess he might have a few questions to field from his auto insurance agent. Namely..."What the fuck, dude?!" I suppose that had I been Tiger, and the situation was forced upon me that I had to give a public statement, that I was "compelled" to do so - I would have called together the press conference, got up behind the mic, and told everybody...and I mean EVERYBODY...in the whole, wide world...

...TO GO FUCK THEMSELVES!!!

Then I would've said, "Thank you, and have a pleasant day." 'Cuz you know...that's just polite and all! And I'm a polite guy! He's a fucking BILLIONAIRE for Dogs sake, he can afford to tell people, any people, all people, to fuck off. Remind me to never become famous for anything. Christ, something as simple as the contents of my computer hard drive becoming public would be enough to get me burned at the stake. Or at the very least a public stoning.

OK, I suppose I'm sufficiently fluffed now - thanks Jimmy.