So anyway, I'm still typing this, so the lightning hasn't smote me yet. I'm sorry, I can't help it...I read this article on CNN.com and I stand fully behind my post title. So the Pope is in Cameroon...or to put it into perspective, he's on the single most AIDS-riddled continent in the world...and he's standing firm that people shouldn't, or rather can't use condoms (them's just big 'ol brass balls there man).
Riiiiiiiggggghhhhhttt!
I can't help but wonder what his stance would be if a gang of natives took turns ass-raping him for a solid 36 hours. Yes, I just made a statement containing references to both the Pontiff, and the butt sex (of the forced variety) - oh yeah, I went there. I'm still waiting for the smiting to begin...wait for it... At any rate, the article does go on to say that his Holiness is considering the holy ramifications of allowing married couples to use condoms should one of them have HIV. So, let me get this straight - it's ok, or at least might be if married couples (and let's be honest for a minute - he's referring to those in the civilized western world) to use a Jimmy hat to not give HIV to each other, but ze darkies (remember, the man is one of ze Germans) - who believe the myth throughout most of the continent that raping virgins will get rid of their AIDS - need to find an alternative to contraception and safe sex because God doesn't want all those precious spermy-men going to waste! Oh for Christ's sake!
See...this is why I don't have a religion. I have faith - I believe there's a bigger picture, I believe there's a higher existence and a higher power. But I can't stand religions. I especially don't like the leaders of religions imposing their ridiculous, ill-informed, and totally archaic beliefs on my life and the way I live it. So...fuck religion!!! I wish I knew where my old man would stand on my beliefs and opinions. He was raised Catholic, but lived life as a twice-a-year Catholic - you know, only went to mass on Christmas and Easter. I have to believe that he'd feel generally the same way I do about things like this. My problem is that there are quite literally over a billion people on the planet that live by this man's word as law!!! WHY?!?! He's just a man - and a man of questionable morality and judgement on top of that (Nazi ties anyone?!). Why, as the world moves ever onward into the 21st century, do the major religions of the world insist on keeping their faithful locked in the beliefs of the dark ages.
I usually like to smack my righteous indignation in the face of Islam at times like these, thinking that maaaaayyyyybe Christianity is getting it's collective shit together. Let's face it, you can almost time to the second when a news piece will come along relaying the tale of some 102-year-old Muslim woman who's being given 1,001 lashes, 60 days in a gulag, and having her tits sawed off because she was in the vicinity of a neighbor's male goat - my total disgust with modern interpretation and practice of Islam is another post altogether. Then a story like this thing with El Sombrero Gigante comes along and (*cue slide whistle playing down*) like a bad case of karmic, guilt-laden erectile dysfunction, the Catholics once again swap our Viagra for a Tylenol with a healthy dose of morality, circa 1452 A.D. on the side.
It's probably a safe assumption that most of us guys have, as the Catholic church would have you believe, committed a holocaust of galactic proportions with all the spermy-men we've wasted in our lifetimes. But remember, the priest with his pecker up the alter boy's ass is fine...so long as he doesn't slap on a Ramses, or pull out! Would it be in bad taste to send the Vatican a Trojan Condom Christmas Tree as a gift this year? I can't help but find it both tragic and simultaneously hilarious that the Church can justify being one of the world's leaders in HIV care and treatment, but won't have fucking anything to do with HIV prevention. Get sick and die in agony - that's cool, but don't you dare do anything to avoid getting sick in the first place - YOU'LL GO STRAIGHT TO HELL MISTER!!! It's interesting the mentality that the Vatican, and American Insurance companies share:
Big Blue Boner Pill - GOOD!!!
Itsy Bitsy No-Make-A-Baby Pill - BAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDD!!!
One-Fingered Rubber Glove - FUGGEDABOUDIT!!!
I dunno - maybe they share board members or something...I better stop before I get really mad - and really get the Big Guy's attention.
22 comments:
"...my total disgust with modern interpretation and practice of Islam is another post altogether."
Oh dear sweet Jesus let it be the next post...
Word verification: squis
At this point, the Pope's verdict/edict/contradict on anything is utterly predictable, so I find it hard to get quite so worked up about anything he says. But then again, being raised as a filthy Protestant, I have the luxurious buffer space of What-The-Fuck-Does-It-Matter-What-The-Pope-Says.
On the other hand, I didn't click your link to the original article yet...
"Oh dear sweet Jesus let it be the next post..."
Actually, I'll let Brad field that one sometime - he's the theologian after all, and would present the facts much more eloquently. Mine, while adequately serving to vent my frustration and get my opinion across, would in the end still come across sounding like my entire point was, "Why don't somebody just nuke them there towelheads?!"
Apparently, Benny, in his infinite wisdom, actually said that "condom use promotes the spread of HIV and AIDS"...
...DUDE!
shut up...SHUT UP...SHUT-THE-FUCK-UP!!! For the love of Christ and ALL that is deemed holy in this entire fucking universe, just SHUT UP!!! Don't you realize you crazy old coot that people around this world actually believe the dribble that spews from your revered pie-hole?!?!?! You CAN'T fucking say shit like that when you clearly know the exact opposite is the truth!!!
Actually, I don't really value the man's thoughts/ideals/ideas/opinions either - even though I do come one insanely large Irish Catholic family. I think more than anything I resent that someone in his position with so much influence can throw out such nonsense with absolutely NO regard for the sociological impact it's going to have on a large percentage of the world.
That's part of why I hate religion - particularly Catholicism - they have all these ridiculous ideologies and rules that have no practical place in the modern world. Rules based on backwards concepts that arrogant, twisted little men came up with centuries ago - rules that have no basis in the teachings of the deity that this group holds in such high regard.
Fuck I hate religion...
Maybe they're still atoning for the 15th Century. Afterall, if you wanted to have a wild and crazy time, the Vatican was the place to be!
Personally I don't feel I can take seriously anyone whose outlook hasn't changed much since their organization condoned the murder of thousands of women in the Middle Ages, the torture of thousands of innocents during the Inquisition, and belief in such nonsense as demons, goblins, absolution, purgatory, forgiveness of sins after death, the supremacy of the Pontiff and the virgin birth, just to name a few.
El Sombrero Gigante
Hilarious.
I was considering El Sombrero Blanco Gigante, but I thought that was pushing it!
Actually...demons, goblins, and purgatory I'm sort of okay with. It, at the very least, demonstrates a glimmer of creative thinking.
You're right though...overall Catholicism sort of has a "let's just make it up as we go - they can spend the next couple millenia figuring it out" kind of vibe to it.
Let’s just everybody calm the fuck down.
The point that the words and actions of those in power do have a serious, negative impact on an entire third-world country is exactly why I am so critical of dogma. I agree wholeheartedly with that particular concern. But I see it from a more philosophical, existential, um… well, conscientious point of view of “Despite your good intentions of spreading morality as you see fit, are you actually doing more harm than good?”
I hardly think that that means all facets of religion and morality are folly merely because society has evolved somewhat in the West. That, my friends, is the slipperiest of slopes, to say “Well, it’s the 21st Century, so anything goes.” Not saying anyone here is condoning anything bad, just saying that it is the very basis for all manner of rationalizing that people tend to develop their fucked-upness.
Again, it all comes down to the Golden Rule. Are you doing more harm than good when you have a rally promoting/condemning something?
I do believe that a person’s sexuality is, quite literally, nobody’s fucking business. However, that doesn’t mean Anything Goes And It’s Perfectly Fine. I do firmly believe that seeing a prostitute when you’re married and on a business trip is NOT okay just because your wife never finds out about it. It’s not “what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her,” it’s a simple fact that Harm is being done.
But sexual philosophy is neither here nor there, and I don’t have the time or the gigabytes to detail all of my thoughts on the realm. I always thought it was stupid to say that “every sperm is sacred,” because that implies a HELLUVA design flaw of the human body, as there is no shut-off valve, not to mention all the other implications when you say sperm is only for creating babies.
Sidestepping that one…
There’s hardly any need to attack all facets of Faith, such as immaculate conception, resurrection, and all the things that make Jesus the Messiah and shit. Let’s calm the fuck down and keep our ire directed at those who deserve it.
I don’t give a shit about contraception, homosexuality, abortion, or any such controversial issues. I give a shit about people thinking their stances through. Take the end and work backwards: if sex is supposed to be between married people who love each other, and it is supposedly a “gift” from God, why the fuck do you suppose that might be? Because everyone who does it wrong is going to Hell? Um, no. Maybe because…
”They’re more like guidelines, really.”
Some things really are in our best interests, and that’s all it comes down to. Depends on what you want for yourself and your relationship. Doesn’t fucking matter to me. If you wear a rubber with someone you’re not married to, fine, what the fuck do I care?—BUT, as I say with all areas of “morality,” you have Free Will to do as you like, but YOU must accept the consequences of your actions. No hiding behind convoluted excuses, no pointing the finger, just be a fucking man about it.
For example, you take advantage of some drunk chick, you have no knowledge of her context or what emotional baggage she may be carrying around, which you may only be adding to. Sure, it’s “consentual,” but that doesn’t necessarily mean the chick is doing what’s in her best interest. Sometimes a roll in the hay is just a roll in the hay. So whatever, man. So many people don’t give a shit about such things, though.
A better example: if you picket at a fucking abortion clinic, you are causing a FUCKLOAD of psychological harm, you ass, and don’t tell me you are just the messenger.
Jesus Christ. I’m pissed.
Fuck.
By the way, I think that the prohibition of specific sexual positions is the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard of. Honestly, what difference does it make?
Okay, I guess I can sum up my problem with Catholicism. And I mean this in the most benign, respectful, non-combative way possible:
So much of Catholic faith is predicated on edicts made back in the day, because anything the Pope says is Infallible, so they have to force puzzle pieces to fit together that don’t even fit together. Too many technicalities in Catholicism for me, that's all.
"You've gone'n stirred up a bloody hornet's nest now!"
"You scared, John?"
"Aye...a little!"
Ok, well let's start by making it clear that I think we can all agree that no one here is trying to imply that people do not have a right to their faith and beliefs. Faith is a good thing, a healthy thing - maybe even a necessity...everyone needs something to believe in.
But can we also agree that Faith and Religion are two totally different things. They're not exactly mutually exclusive concepts - you can have Faith without Religion, but the inverse is hardly true. That being said, if I choose to take a big shit all over someone's religion, that's my prerogative. To me, religion can be a very dangerous thing - the old adage that more wars have been fought in the name of God than any other reason in history is really pointed at religion, not faith.
History is full of examples of the dangers of religion - the Crusades, the Inquisition, 9/11...name your poison. I suppose Waco is an exception to the proverbial rule - there was a case of people's faith being used against them and then having to pay the ultimate price for that.
The human pursuit of power and control is nothing new. And it's a fair assumption that early religious leaders were as human as anyone. They saw an opportunity (handed down from God - in a manner of speaking) to satisfy their own agendas and lust for power by imposing their will on the populous through manipulation of their faith. Thus, religion (particularly Catholicism) was born. I would further argue that "...immaculate conception, resurrection, and all things that make Jesus the Messiah and shit" are still human concepts, and therefore products of Religion...not faith. The idea that what the Pope says is law because he's "THE POPE" and therefore infallible is absolutely a human instrument of manipulation, and again, a product of Religion...faith has nothing to do with it.
At this point the Church is perfectly comfortable controlling the lives of billions of people and I don't see them doing anything in the near future to reverse ideas, ones that they themselves laid down hundreds of years ago, to relinquish that power. Again, my biggest gripe is that the word of a single man, a fallible man, a man who's so dedicated to his Religion, a man of questionable intent, can do so much to completely and utterly fuck-up this world. I'm probably forgetting a point somewhere, but I can't see where at the moment - I've already covered quite a bit.
And, while I can't speak for Brad, I will say for myself that if God really cares which way my wife and I were facing when I stuck my dick in her the other night, then I gladly welcome the inferno - cuz' Lord knows it's coming for me!
"...if God really cares which way my wife and I were facing when I stuck my dick in her the other night..."
I think I'm going to be sick.
Your welcome!
So what does the Pope say about vasectomies?
And if you have a low sperm count (or a no-sperm count), does that suddenly make it "okay" for you to cum all over the walls of the men's room at Applebee's? If it's simply a matter of not wasting sperm, I mean... where's the line?
That's it. I'm out.
We did it, pikey! High five!
In all seriousness, pikey, I know it's your perogative if you want to shit all over someone's religion. For one thing, it's your fucking blog. More than that, you are the fucking pikey, for fuck's sake--political incorrectness is your charm. Didn't my first comment beg for you to attack Islam next? Didn't it?
You don't have to worry about me taking up arms against you on this. It's just that it's easy to get swept up in all the intellectual, anti-religious sentiment with you guys, but I have seen firsthand so many, many good things Christianity has done for people--as you say, on a personal, humanistic level, not on the macro scale of Policy Enforcement. I only spoke up because I would be doing a disservice if I allowed my friends to throw the baby out with the bathwater.
Testicles.
'Scared off the Vogler' High Five - Yesssssss!!! Dude we just had a total 'The Todd' moment...awesome!
I suppose I should sort of apologize Tim, that remark about shitting on someone's religion wasn't really aimed at you, just my general feelings on the matter. Blog or no blog, I'd be more than happy to tell a whole church full of Catholics why they're wrong if they really want to go down that road.
I see Christianity as a faith, not a religion. Unfortunately, you have over a dozen major groups (and 100's of little cults and factions around the globe) that have laid claim to being the all knowing, end-all/be-all authority on the teachings of Jesus Christ. And in my eyes, they're all pretty full of shit - no one can lay claim to being the supreme authority on what the man was all about. From the moment he died, the spin doctors went to work putting their personal slants on the man's ideals and words.
Most of the Christian religions have a fairly universal group of ideals they believe in - but then they all start throwing their own rules and reg's at it like monkeys with an endless supply of poo. And the message gets lost like [insert analogy/metaphor for something lost here]. I also think Christianity, at least in concept, is a good, healthy thing - and I'll concede that a tremendous amount of good has also been done in the name of Christ.
Ok Brad, you can come back now - and let's face it, you wouldn't be totally adverse to the visual of a penis going into my wife if a: she weren't my wife, and b: it wasn't my beached manatee-sized ass stickin' it in her, now would you?! (and he's gone again; that was fast...)
Ok...so, anyone got anything else?
Oh, I forgot:
Regurgitated Cum Bubble
That's basically how I see it when I call myself a Christian--faith without the dogma. A "Christ"-ian is someone to actually tries to apply the life lessons laid out by Christ. I must admit that at times I feel like I should give a caveat along with the self-label. "I'm a... uh, well, I guess you could say I'm a Christian... but don't let that fool you, I'm actually a pretty decent guy."
People are people. There are many church-goers who are, in fact, terrible examples of human beings. There are just as many agnostics/ascetics who are the finest, noblest sons of bitches I can think of. The thing is, being a "Christian" doesn't mean you're suddenly better than everyone else because you're "in the know" or some shit. It is supposed to be about total discipline... rather, discipleship, to make a play on the root word. I say discipline in the Eastern sense of the word, after all. Many Christians tend to compartmentalize Jesus and not actually dig very deep below the surface of their fussy bumper stickers. A Christian needs to tirelessly pursue the Truth behind the teachings, to walk the walk and not just talk the talk.
A lot of this is purely a cultural problem. But I'm digressing... where the fuck was I going with this?
Oh right. As I was saying, Christianity is more than just an elaborate "coping mechanism" for grief and fear of mortality. But it's also not necessarily THE solution to all your fucking problems. There's no switch that gets flipped when you're baptized that makes you any better than you were before. I know a guy from grad school who was every bit the "good Christian" I'm talking about, except he had a weakness for... um... vaginas. Like a serious weakness for them. Yeah. Did it make him a hypocrite? No. Hell, the original Disciples had their share of character flaws. They were the original X-Men of sins. Nobody's perfect.
I also know a lot more about Buddhism than your average Christian. Not everyone has to be as circumspect about religion. Some people seem to get along fine by swallowing the same spoonful of preachings their whole lives. If it works for them, more power to 'em. If they never look anywhere beyond their Southern Baptist ministry, fine. So long as they don't end up twisting their views to enable fucking up other people's lives, my two-headed coin will stay in my pocket.
But when "my people" forget that compassion is everything, when they try to harm people--however "Godly" their intentions are--then I will flip for it. Heads... or Bad Heads.
I'm a bard... not a saint.
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