Ok, If This Keeps Up, I'm Going to Have to Change the Name of This Blog to "Shehan's 'You Heard It Here First' Artist Obits and More"!!!

So anyway, I know it's early so I imagine no one's heard yet, but Shirley Walker died of a brain aneurysm yesterday. At this point I'm more than grateful that November is finally over because it was not a good month for artistry in Hollywood. That makes Basil, Altman, Big Jack Palance, and now Shirley (ok, so who am I forgetting...). For those of you who are unfamiliar, Ms. Walker was really a damned good orchestrator/conductor/composer. Just listen to just about anything Danny Elfman did before 1995 or so and she had a hand in its orchestrations. Her music for Batman: The Animated Series was top notch, and there were several of her film scores that I was fond of, particularly Memoirs of an Invisible Man, and the first two Final Destination's were pretty good too. She and Rachael Portman more or less embodied feminine success in film music. Shirley wasn't exactly a household name like Johnny or Jerry, but I'm sure she'll still be missed nonetheless.

Ok, So What's the Deal, Is There Some Kind of Artistic Genius Conspiracy Going On or Something?

So anyway, if no one else had heard yet, CNN.com just announced that director Robert Altman died today. Last week it was Basil and now Altman. Who's up for next week...Paul Newman? Probably not, seems the Lord's got it in for artists who were born here in K.C. lately. Still it is a sad day for film fans everywhere, and even more of a travesty that old Oscar always eluded him. Condolences to his family...Bob, you'll be missed - you were one of the greatest (we'll excuse you for Pret-a-Porter...everyone gets one big mistake in life)!

A Sad, Sad, Sad Day

Ok, so...I'm officially depressed. In case some of you haven't heard yet, Mr. Basil Poledouris passed away yesterday at 61. I haven't read the full articles from VareseSarabande (update: the Varese "article" is more of a blurb with a picture really) or Filmmusic.com yet (update #2: scratch that one too - just finished it), but apparently it was cancer...which I guess explains why he hasn't been busy at doing much for a while. It's almost enough to make you feel like a dick for wishing he'd get back to work for so long. I don't know what to say really...I'm so disheartened right now I could almost get teary-eyed. So now that's two composers I idolize who are gone without my ever so much as having been able to say hello to them. Oh great, now I'm an even bigger prick because I'm making this more about me than him. It's strange how this has happened to two iconic film composers now in the last few years. Think about it, the same thing happened with Jerry, you know, just sort of disappeared all of a sudden, then poof...gone. Poledouris was quoted not that long ago as having said something to the effect of being semi-retired since Hollywood didn't seem to have much of a use for composers like him anymore. Who knew he was fucking dying! What's more sad, the fact that a truly great artist is gone today, or that he was right and that Hollywood has lost touch with good film music. Fuck this sucks!!!

SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

Light a candle folks, say a prayer, whatever it is that you do...do. Another true genious has left our shitty little world for the big orchestra in the sky. God bless you Mr. P, and thanks for everything, especially Conan, Starship Troopers, The Hunt for Red October, Flesh + Blood, Quigley, Robocop, Lonesome Dove, The Jungle Book, The Touch, It's My Party, Farewell to the King...and did I mention Conan!?!?!

Jaded

So anyway, the whole Mark Foley thing has kinda got me in a "blah" sort of mood. I don't know what it is really. At this point I'm thinking that they'd actually have to catch a Senator, in black leather chaps, in the act of sodomizing a small Central American boy, while sucking off a goat, in his office at the Capital, with an entire film crew taping it all for a Politicians Gone Wild video before it would even begin to get some kind of rise out of me. I guess the "game" is just getting old. That isn't to say I'm not slightly disgusted by the act. It's not so much that I care that the guy's queer as a 3 dollar bill (I don't), I'm mostly just repulsed that he chose to do it with a teenager. Point is, I just don't care...grossed out a little, but essentially indifferent. I read a couple of the transcripts online (since that's the only place the FCC will allow them to be presented), and yeah, I feel a little dirty now. It's actually kind of ironic and oxymoronic that a "scandal" like this is happening to a man like Foley (a gay/pedophiliac/Republican - what are the odds?! apparently pretty damned good...unfortunately!). Doesn't everything about this situation go against everything that these people supposedly stand for. Isn't it supposed to be the Republican credo that "homos are destroying the moral fabric of our society". This is making my brain hurt. Fact is, I'm more shocked by something I learned yesterday morning. Seems that the lovely young lady (actress Mercedes McNabb) gracing this month's cover of Playboy and featured inside in a rather attractive pictorial is none other than the same girl who played the Girl Scout selling cookies in The Addams Family movie (and the bitchy blonde priss from the summer camp in the sequel). That's where my spectrum of shock is at the moment...more surprised by neked hotness than political perversion. But I digress...

I mean really, let's face it, American politics has become a series of calculable scandals that pop up every four or eight years like some kind of Pervert Olympics ("next up in the 400 meter Coke Line Snort..."). Think about it, every time there's about to be a major demographic shift in Washington, a whole mess of shit gets thrown out into the public spotlight. In about six or eight years when the masses have grown weary of Democratic control in Congress (which is almost a guarantee come November), the Republicans will start popping up out of the cracks like rats fleeing a flood, with dirt on every left-winger in office. It happened with Clinton. Granted, sexual scandal dogged him for most of his administration, but the Republicans didn't really make a big issue of it until he had less than two years left in orifice...er...office. They jumped on it like starved rabid dogs on an old bone. What happened in 2000...come on, you all remember, Gore won the election but didn't actually become President and the moral right took control of Congress. Now that they've been comfortable for a few years, they're starting to fuck things up again shifting the public favor back to the left a bit...we're sheep...sheep I tell you!

Right now I actually find it more fascinating that one of the auto-flush toilets in the men's room on my floor is stuck in permanent flush mode. I figure we're waisting about 20-30 gallons of water an hour until a maintenance guy shows up after 8:00. Coincide that with the fact that we toss out about half a forest's worth of paper daily and I think this bank has officially become the single most destructive and eco-unfriendly company in the Kansas City area...maybe the midwest. Oh well...

I guess if there's one thing to get warm and fuzzy over, it's that the Monkey is officially bipedal. I'll get a picture up if this damn thing will let me; no go so far though...

I am getting such a raging clue right now...are you?!

Padding My Blog

This Space For Rent

that is all.

Things That Make Your Wife Want To Kill You

So anyway, I was just perusing the web and stumbled upon a baby outfit that reads:

"I'm proof that my mom likes to fuck!"

Oh yeah...I'm so gonna find one and order it!!! That may be the single coolest Whiskey Tango item (for babies or otherwise) that I've ever seen.

Thought for the Day

Confuse-us say, "Man who smoke grass while sitting on toilet is high on pot"!



That is all.

Conceding Defeat

It's been a long, hard road. Even through the worst of it it looked as though we still had a chance. Everyone really gave it their all to try and achieve our goal. I want to take this opportunity to thank everybody for their support and dedication to the cause. However, as everyone has likely observed, for now at least, it's over. Sacrifices were made, hopes were elevated as high as could be, well...hoped! But, as fate would have it (as it often does in these situations), things just didn't go our way. We fought the good fight, and I know you were all behind us on this one. It just wasn't our time...this time.

So...as things stand right now, it would appear as though, in fact, we are all not going to die after all!

I know, I know...no one wants to admit when they're beaten. I know everybody was pushing for escalation. But it would seem that the Arab nations hate each other almost as much as they hate the Jews! Our own government, God bless them, apparently felt it better to only fight the fights they thought they could win, rather than the ones that needed fighting. Oh wait...oh, nevermind. I suppose the best we can hope for now is that a stray rock or perhaps a misconstrued glance at the wrong person will get the ball rolling again. Maybe even an ill willed comment about someones goat by one side or the other...wouldn't that be glorious?! Only time will tell, for now the word is: patience. Like the man said, "All we need is just a little patience".

Thank you, and good night.

That is all.

"Oh that...that's my Theme Music. Every good hero should have some!"

So anyway, I'm Baaaaack!!! I know not everyone's had a chance to weigh in on the last one, but I thought I'd go ahead and get the next one going anyway. So like I alluded to previously, here it is, plain and simple:

What are your top 10 favorite Themes ever?

Yes, I know, I'm still a bastard, perhaps becoming even more so with each new posting. Now in this case, I don't necessarily mean the Main Titles from the film. Just the (or just a) primary musical motif from the film. In some cases you may want to reference a specific cue or track from the CD to represent what you're really thinking (I know I will in a case or two). And again, you don't have to write an essay on each choice explaining it, but a little something for most of them might be nice. Character or event motifs really shouldn't count, but if you feel that strongly about one, then what the hell, by all means include it! And as Vogler demonstrated on the last posting, feel free to include runners-up or honorable mentions or what ever the hell you feel like calling them.

Oh, and don't set your phasers to kill on me yet, cuz if you hate me now, then my next post will make you want to pull my spine out through my asshole and parade me around like a friggin meat popsicle. So (once again) without further ado, I present...my choices:

10. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (Michael Kamen) - To this day I still get a little excited when I hear those cellos start grinding away with that opening ostinato. Like most Mike Kamen scores, the film mix blows the CD mix out of the water, nearly to the point where it almost sounds like two different orchestras performing. The CD sounds like a 30-piece group performing in my bathroom. Regardless, it's still about as rousing as rousing gets.

9. Monsignor (John Williams) - Ok, so...obviously most you (or people in general, for that matter) will have absolutely no frame of reference for what I'm talking about here. Monsignor was this bad little film from 1982 starring Christopher Reeve (God bless) as an American priest reassigned to the Vatican just after WWII who gets involved with the mafia, a woman, and other shady affairs. The music has only been available on LP and as a bootleg doubled with The Missouri Breaks. Just take my word for it that it's stirringly gorgeous (way better than the film deserved).

8. The Last Starfighter (Craig Safan) - Yes kids, that The Last Starfighter. That silly little guilty pleasure from '84 with all the cheesy computer effects about the trailer park kid that gets recruited from playing an arcade game to become a space fighter pilot "defending the Frontier against Zur, and the Kodan Armada!". Despite it's goofy synth embellishments (cheesy fx/cheesy music), it's still a fantastic little piece of music. Just take my word for it, go get the CD (you can usually find it online).

7. Ghost in the Shell (Kenji Kawai) - Once again I wander into the valley of the unknown for most. There's something eerily brilliant about this theme (or the whole score for that matter - which is basically just variations on the theme). The Japanese do strange things with their scores (and pull it off quite successfully), things that most Western composers wouldn't even think of trying. The vocal effects are genius. The theme is simultaneously haunting, moving, and deafeningly shrill.

6. Sabrina (1995) (John Williams) - My predilection for that which is schmaltzy will not be denied. I'm sorry, say what you will, but I think that this may be one of the most beautiful things written for piano (I even like the film - whatever happened to Julia Ormond anyway?). Whenever I need a little light cheering up, I'll sit down at the piano and play through a little of it, works every time.

5. Signs (James Newton Howard) - What more can I say than what I mentioned on the last list. Never in their short history has the Academy been so very wrong. This theme is Hitchcockian in a way that even Hitchcock and Herrmann may never have dreamed of. A pristine example of sheer compositional brilliance.

4. Star Trek: The Motion Picture/Star Trek: First Contact (Jerry Goldsmith) - I just can't split these two up. I love Jerry's Star Trek theme, and I particularly love what he did with it in the Next Gen films. I can't think of a better way to capture the emotion and awe of a first meeting with an alien intelligence than he did with his First Contact theme. So here they are, together, at number 4.

3. Anvil of Crom (from Conan the Barbarian) (Basil Poledouris) - There's something about that many Horns blasting away like they do here that's almost boner inducing. I suppose it's safe to say that Basil is my 3rd favorite composer and this theme (the whole score for that matter) represents him at his absolute best. This is, in a word...Divine. If ever there was a score in dire need of a re-recording, I think Conan the Barbarian is it. It's funny, you combine two whole European orchestras together for your recording, you get perfection. Take one away, you get...well, Conan the Destroyer to be precise (yecch!).

2. Schindler's List (John Williams) - I'm sorry, but, I still get teary-eyed when I hear this. Where Star Trek: First Contact embodied wonder and awe, so does Schindler's List for the hauntingly tragic and hope within sadness. I can't help but think a piece of music like this was nothing if not a result of genuine Divine inspiration. This is truly God's music (regardless of which One represents you). I play this at the piano when I'm sad and want to stay that way (ok, well not always, but you get the idea).

1. Star Wars/Superman (John Williams) - Ok, so again, I just can't break these two up even though (unlike number 4) one has nothing to do with the other. With everything else prior on the list, what else could be number one? If either of these two themes don't stir some sort of excitement in you every time you hear them...you're dead inside. I hear Superman, and I think "Superman - man of steel, man who can fly, leaps tall buildings, etc.". It makes me want to fly. And regardless of how jaded you were by the Prequel Trilogy, regardless of your thoughts on The Lord of the Rings, nothing in cinema for the remainder of time will ever have the impact musically that the music from Star Wars has on Western culture. I hear that opening Bb major blast on a big screen and I just about jump out of my seat with excitement. Regardless of the 60 or 70 some odd years of film music history that came before them, these two themes are, and likely will forever be, the quintessential examples of music for film. It just does...not...get...any...better...

...period.

1st Runner-Up:

The James Bond Theme (particularly as represented by "The Company Car" in Tomorrow Never Dies*) (Monty Norman/David Arnold*) - I know Jack and shit about jazz (and Jack just left), but this, to me, is fantastic. The theme embodies cool sophistication and what David Arnold did with it in the aforementioned cue was pure genius.

2nd Runner-Up

Hymn to Red October (Basil Poledouris) - Big chorus...singing in Russian...nuff said!

3rd Runner-Up:

The Raiders March (John Williams) - As far as pop culture is concerned, this may have about the same impact musically as Star Wars or Superman. I couldn't very well leave it forgotten.

4th Runner-Up:

The 13th Warrior (particularly as represented by the track "Old Baghdad") (Jerry Goldsmith) - Brad already said enough about the Horns in his last list, so I'll leave it at that!

5th Runner-Up:

Batman (Danny Elfman) - The dark, evil cousin to the Superman march is exciting, brooding and bombastic. I adore most of Elfman's superhero themes (what the hell, he's done about three-fourths of them anyway), and this one is still the best. Unfortunately, I adore my top 10 even more so. But I couldn't very well leave this unmentioned. It should be illegal somehow that he's not doing Spiderman 3.

Honorable Mentions:

Rudy (Jerry Goldsmith) - What was it about this story that must have touched Jerry so deeply as to write such a moving theme? If I'm not mistaken, this one had some of the orchestral members misty-eyed after playing it, yes?! It's easy to see why...it picks at the heartstrings so very deeply.

The Imperial March (from The Empire Strikes Back) (John Williams) - One might argue that this is in fact the main theme of the film. In fact, I will, this is the Main Theme for The Empire Strikes Back. Sure, the main Main Theme is ever present, but given the context of the story, and the fact that this theme shows up more in this chapter than the other five combined, makes for a compelling argument that this is the central musical motif.

Lawrence of Arabia (Maurice Jarre) - You can blame Monsieur Jarre for setting the standard for which every desert or Arabic motif from nearly every film since is based. Unfortunately for everyone else...his is, and always will be the grandest. This theme is sweepingly epic like just about no other. Unfortunately for Jarre, this is one of his 3 scores that all of his other scores sound like. But it all basically started here.

Stargate (David Arnold) - Back to the desert, just on a different world. And it shows as Arnold's theme (and really entire score) are one of the few of this genre that don't sound like a Lawrence of Arabia rip-off. Oddly, I think it's a pretty safe statement to say that this is Arnold's best theme and score - helluva way to start seeing as how it was his first major one. If Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich really are going to do a second and third film as they've hinted at as of late, I hope they can bury the hatchet with Arnold and get him back to score them.

P.S. Once again, bonus points for the title...Name That Movie!!!

That is all.

"Oh, I Like A Lotta Lumps...Eeeeeechh!!!"

So anyway, I was thinking of something that struck me as particularly funny, so I'll share with the rest of the class. Wouldn't it be great if there was a parody of the scene from Batman when Jack's in the plastic surgeons office after the big plunge. You know the one where he's in the dark and says, "Mirror...MIRROR!!!". Only in the parody you see a guy sitting in a chair in the dark kind of twitching a bit. Instead of demanding a mirror he says, "Coffee...COFFEE!!!". So the guy hands him a cup and he takes a sip with a long, drawn out slurpy sound. Then just like in Batman he starts laughing manically and the doctor starts to panic, even saying roughly the same line, "You see vat I haf to vork vith hier?". Cut to the coffee machine in the corner...it's smoking and shaking, and sparks are blazing out...the things basically about to explode. The guy in the dark continues laughing hysterically and throws the mug against the wall smashing it into a thousand pieces. He charges up the stairs, still laughing and the camera pans over next to the coffee maker where we see a jar of generic brand coffee with "DECAF" in big bold letters printed on the jar.

I don't know why, but to me...that's good funny!

P.S. 50 bonus Brownie points to anyone who gets the title reference!

That is all.