Smooth Move Ex-Lax!

So anyway, in the spirit of Lewis Black's now famous (or perhaps infamous, depending on which side of the fence you hang out on) rants on Michael Jackson and Dick Cheney - for those that are unfamiliar, his idea is that just saying their names is enough to induce a good belly laugh, one need not actually tell a "joke" on the subject - I give you:

George W. Bush.

Why, you may ask?! Well as no doubt the entire world (free or otherwise) has heard by now, our fearless leader, at an outdoor press conference two days ago, mocked a reporter for wearing his "shades" (as he so eloquently put it) to the event. Unbeknownst to the great one but now knownst to everyone everywhere (come on...please say somebody gets that!), said eyewear donning reporter has a degenerative optical condition that has rendered him...wait for it...LEGALLY FUCKING BLIND!!!

In the immortal words of Mr. Slave..."OH, JESUTH CHRISTH!!!"

I'd like to take this moment to hold my head down in shame on behalf of everyone in this country!

You can find the original CNN.com story here. At this point, I've nothing left to say. He finally did it...he finally did something so fucking dumb that it rendered me speechless.

Thoughts?!

That is all.

Hooray For Our Side!!!

So anyway, I was just wondering, is anyone else as ecstatic about this as I am?! I've been following this for a while now and I say it's about fucking time!!! Thoughts?!?!

That is all.

(Horrible) Thought For The Day, Part Deux

So anyway, had another interesting thought I'd share with everyone. Have you ever looked at your boss and wondered if they've (in my case, "she's") ever taken it up the keester. Let me be clear in disclaiming that I mean this in no sexual connotation whatsoever. I'm relatively sure my boss has, seeing as how A: Her ass is exceptionally large and disproportionate to the remainder of her body. She flaunts it proudly, almost patriotically, in pants that are always at least one size too small...and B: Even though she's a woman, I'm almost certain that she has a penis...ergo, she wouldn't have another hole to put it anyway.

Yes, she's that kind of ugly. You know, the kind that makes you have a serious philosophical debate with yourself as to just what gender said person is. I like to imagine that there are no mirrors in her world. Not because she's a vampire, but rather because her reflection could destroy the fabric of space and time.

The really icky part...she has four children. Some poor schlub actually put his penis in her...four times!!!

Ewwww......

that is all.

Didn't Your Mother Ever Teach You To Share?

UPDATED!!!

So anyway, I just discovered something interesting the other day and I thought I'd share with everyone. If you sign yourself up at MySpace.com as a musician they allow you to post up to four "songs" from your "band". I personally have the gayest "band" name in the world...Michael Shehan. Can't you just hear the record companies beating down my door to sign up Michael Shehan? Fuck American Idol, Michael Shehan is going to be the next pop sensation!!! Sure, and I'm going to grow a second asshole on my elbow to help get the bullshit out of my system that much quicker!!! Anyway, don't sign-up at the main page, go to the "Musicians" tab near the top of the page. Oh, and posting a picture of yourself is a lot fucking easier than here too!

Question is...now what the hell do I put out there for the world to hear?!

Well...I'm on. For the moment I've posted the "Shyamalan-esque" demo piece, the closing credits to the wine show, and a little electronica thing I did for an animatic demo in a gun safety vid. Still not sure whether or not I should post the trombone trio. Brad and I cleaned up the recording quite a bit, but while I'm extremely proud of the piece, I'm still a little underwhelmed by the performance. Maybe I'll put it up and let you all decide whether to keep it there. By the way, just as a reminder, you can find me as Michael Shehan.

(Horrible) Thought for the Day

So anyway, I was thinking (I don't know why really)...there's nothing in the world that is quite so totally hillarious and simultaneously equally completely horrifying as watching two retarded people fucking. At least nothing I can think of, and I've (obviously) thought of some really odd shit. Not that I've ever seen it personally, but I can imagine...how unfortunate.

That is all.

You Can Do It!!!

“The reports of my assimilation have been greatly exaggerated.”

So anyway, yeah, I’m still alive. I know I haven’t had a new post for a while, but aside from all the Monkey love I’ve been getting lately (my God they grow up fast) life’s been kind of in the suck zone. But…I’m not here to bitch today.

I saw an interesting poll on CNN.com yesterday. It asked simply “Can American consumers affect the price of gasoline?”. To my amazement, the results were split 50/50. Not to begrudge anyone their right to their own thoughts and opinions but believing that we as consumers can have any affect on what the major oil companies of this country charge for their product, particularly with the current Presidential administration in office, is naïve at best. Stop me if you’ve heard this one: “YOU CAN CHANGE THE PRICE OF GAS TODAY. On 'so and so' date, all Americans should boycott buying gas for one whole day…yadda, yadda, yadda…”. There is absolutely nothing that we as common citizens can do to lower gas prices…zip, nada, zilch, zero, diddly-squat. The only thing that will change gas prices is to find an alternative non-fossil-fuel based energy source.

Not to sound like a conspiracy nut, but even if cold-fusion or hydrogen-fusion based technologies existed today, and worked, does anyone honestly believe the public will ever hear anything about it so long as Big Oil continues to make billions (maybe even trillions) of dollars in revenue yearly. You can say “no” now.

American consumers will never be able to affect gas prices for one simple reason: materialistic American Capitalist Pig human nature. The idea of a national boycott would never ever work because you could never get everyone to do it. Think of the millions of people who wouldn’t do it simply because they’ve got to get to work in the morning. Then add on the shipping industry, then the public transportation departments, then the private transportation industry (airlines), and then just for flavor the extremists who don’t believe there’s really a problem anyway (what the fuck is wrong with some people, really?). That’s thousands, perhaps millions of combustion engine vehicles filling up daily. Then there’s fearless leader who was an oil baron before he became PODUS, and will continue to be one once he’s out of office (how can someone so inherently stupid make so much money?). Anyway, that’s my two cents.

On a positive note, I may have a miniscule bit of a gig in the works. My guy Rich who’s found me what little work I have had has just finished doing sound for a group that’s producing a 30-minute T.V. show about cars…you know, the kind you see on Spike or TLC or something. Anyway, they’re making a 3 or 4 minute sales spot to market it with and they want music for it. Enter, the Pikey. Yea!!! Keep ye olde fingers crossed and hope they’ll let me do it.

that is all...

Shameless

- INSERT TERRORIST JOKE HERE -

:)

that is all.

I Need More Internet Friends

"I'm a very lonely man!"

that is all.

DAMN DAMN, DAMN, DAMN, DAMN, DAMN, DAMN....DAAAAAAAMN!

So anyway, some sad news that is (in my opinion anyway) something akin to hearing that Big John just died. Apparently (according to Soundtrack.net via Gorfaine/Schwartz) Hans (The Destroyer of Worlds) Zimmer has been tapped to score The Simpsons feature film due in 2008.

"YOU MANIACS...YOU BLEW IT ALL UP...OH DAMN YOU, DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!!"

that is all.

Sigh!!!

So anyway, guess it's a good thing I haven't bought the tickets for Grendel in June because it looks like we're not going after all. It's not that we can't swing the ticket prices, or the cost of a car rental for 3 days and 4 nights. It's not that we couldn't get a place to stay, or afford a little light dining and entertainment while we were there. It's the $500+ for 2 round-trip airline tickets that's destroying my dream. At what point does life cease being a seemingly endless series of disappointments and finally start getting good? At least I have my Monkey. Oh what I wouldn't give just to be able to eat a can of beans and some hot salsa and just fart us to the west coast for a few days. If life was a cartoon, I'd have found some hair-brained scheme to try and make it work. But then, if life was a cartoon, said hair-brained scheme would likely have just resulted in large quantities of my personal property blowing up in a puff of purple smoke or something.

I think what I'm really regretting is losing the opportunity for Mrs. The Pikey to get all dolled up for a night on the town. I say that because in the 9 years (as of last Saturday) that we've been together, she's worn a dress all of maybe 6 times (including the big white one!). My wife has great legs, and I just don't get too many opportunities to see them all snazzy-like and what not! Don't get me wrong, I love the missus more than anything. And I think she's the most gorgeous woman on earth (really - Paul Newman said it best when he said "Why go out for hamburger when I've got steak at home"), but when it comes to being, well...a girl, she's just about clueless. She doesn't like shopping, or shoes, or clothes, or make-up, or fashionable hair styles or anything else that women are usually in to. She does like T.V. shows about the old frontier days (i.e. Little House, etc.) and movies in 19th century England (Jane Austin, the Bronte's, etc). I wonder what that means? Oh well...

SIGH.....

On the plus side of things...the Monkey now officially has...a tooth! YEA!!! Well, more or less anyway. It's just under the skin of his gums. You can feel it plain as day - sharp little bugger! Now at least I can see what he's been bitching about for the last month or so! Now if I can just get that ever elusive "Da-Da" out of him...I suppose I could die happy (or at least mostly so)! So what the hell is this posting really about? No clue! However, in the unlikely event I do make it to heaven, you think the good Lord will see fit to not allow my wife to wear pants for all eternity?